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Showing posts from 2011
Devotion Tonight: Praying in Your Marriage This topic has been heavy on my heart for a while. For me, praying in my marriage, at least aloud, is a little uncomfortable. My upbringing had a lot of prayer in it. I prayed at morning and night per my mom's insistence ("Thank Someone for waking you up this morning!") and along with my daily devotionals and Sunday personal Bible study/Scripture memorization sessions. My mom was very strict about making sure I knew my stuff...or God's stuff, even though we never did it together or had family devotion. I did a lot of self-study, and my mom would make sure I knew my memory verse for each week. I dreaded Sunday mornings b/c the studies were so BORING. But I did learn a lot of Scripture, and I would say I 'studied to show myself approved' 1 Timothy something. We would pray as a family before road trips, and before family meals, especially on holidays. I don't know if my parents ever prayed together, but in

Learning to Listen

Tonight, I had a rather long conversation with a good friend of mine. She is quite a bit older than me, but one of the sweetest and most caring women that I know. We stayed after a meeting at church to chat a bit, and after two hours I realized I had been sort of rambling in reminiscing about my life. I jumped from the topics of weariness in caring for kids while my husband is at work to marriage to "life happens" to "I'm grateful things happened how they did" and all over the place. The amazing part is that my friend stayed-and listened-to my ramblings and let me just talk.  After sharing personal information, I always feel like I want to hide under a rock. Like I've just made the social blunder of sharing how unintelligent I am in front of people who are extremely smart. Like people probably think "so that's why she's so weird!" or "wow...that girl needs some help." But I don't mind. And I doubt my friend was thinking any

The First 25 Years

Turning 25 freaked me out, mostly because I felt as if I was approaching a huge deadline...the "I'm now old" deadline. I felt old, unaccomplished, broke, and without direction. I felt that if I didn't get ahold of my visions and shake them until they scattered out pieces of my dreams I was going to turn grey the next day, and possibly die the day after that. I felt panicked, as if life was suddenly moving too fast for my comfort. But what I've learned during this year has been so worthwhile I felt compelled to share with you just what this year has brought me so far(granted, I've only been 25 for 3 months, barely!). I've learned: 1. How to keep loving myself      After having two kids, a softer belly, more stretch marks than I cared for, and acne that suddenly wouldn't go away, I felt more at peace with my body than ever before. I started being more aware of how the way I dressed sent a message across about how I felt about myself. Reading "W

He knows my Heart

"For the Lord does not look at the things man looks at! Man looks on the outside, but the Lord looks at the heart." I meditate on this verse daily in my comings and going. I use it as a personal rebuke whenever I feel pride coming on, or when standing up for myself, or when I'm getting ready to tithe or contribute to a cause from my "Giving Fund." Everyone who stands naked in the mirror notices flaws, although when compared with the awe of the totality of the naked body the flaws are a necessary additon to the  beautiful tapestry of a human body. My flaws are the following: 1. I avoid confrontation but struggle with NOT allowing myself to discuss questionable material with others who feel as I do (aka gossip). I was challenged this past year to 'not harm others with words of my mouth' because 'I need them (in order to) survive.' What a challenge yet what a great virtue to work towards. The problem is that truth is sometimes very harmful t

Social Media Etiquette

I did a post quite some time ago on the preferred etiquette between musicians and their accompanists. There are so many things we don't think we have to say because they are commonly sensical and professional, but require a level of maturity many aren't willing to hand over. Thus comes the current post. Facebook, Twitter, and whatever everyone else uses to stay connected, linked, in-the-know, etc. are privileges. It is a privilege for someone to let you into their life a little more virtually through such sites. They are the last place, however, for public confrontation, harrassment, bullying, and other types of negative association. Would you go to your boss's facebook wall and write something rude that you think of them? Or bring up something that should be private so that all of their friends/co-workers/social circle is suddenly made uncomfortable by knowing that something weird is going on on that person's page? Not only is it showing your character or lack of,

A Child Brings Life

I believe children are angels sent to show the rest of us people how to live. I believe they are indeed a reward from the Lord, and that they are the reason many of us are who we are today. I'm not talking about you're a "Mom" because you have a child. That's now the "who you are" I'm talking about. I'm talking about your character; your beliefs; your value system. Children really do help shape that. When I'm in the car and an inappropriate song comes on, I'm ashamed if my son has to tell me it's inappropriate in order before I change it. I just hope they won't hear or understand the "naughty" parts. But they know, and it has edited what I listen to, and I believe the same goes for my husband. I re-think my urges to go out and hit the town whenever I think of it-what if they wake up sick and need me? What if there's a fire and I'm not there to save them? You start thinking a little more clearly and hyper-sensit

Sometimes, I cry...

Today was terrible. I'm sitting now finally having gotten through it, with "Sex and the City: The Movie" playing in the background, my hair damp from an aromatic shower, and my honesty about to boil over and burn your lap. After a nearly two-week streak of overwhelming joy and happiness, hope for new possibilities in my life, today I crashed, and I mean h-a-r-d. Today mommy-ing was so rough. My son seems to never stop calling me. The cat never stops play-biting. My daughter gets clingy and whiny from getting up too early and wanting to nap before lunch. The long list of things to do on my day off (written by me, of course) is slowly being completed, but my fatigue isn't melting away. In fact, even after 9 hours of sleep, I was so tired today I was disappointed in my body, of all things. This is not an ordinary tired. This is a I've-been-trying-to-figure-out-why-I've-been-fatigued-for-over-a-year-and-my-doctors-don't-seem-to-care-or-know-anything-and-I

Gratitude for Today

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever."-Bible Today I was overcome with gratitude. I may be a tired, busy-dreaming-mama, but I am an extremely grateful one. I opened my fridge today to pour my kids milk, and thanked God for having food inside of it. I pay rent today, but I am grateful to have a comfortable and safe place for my family to live. I am grateful for the simple antics of Kittle, our 5-wk-old kitten because He exercises our command to take care of the creatures we are given dominion over. I got my period today (!) tmi? But I am grateful because although I secretly hoped for our third child, I know God is in control of the numbers He desires for our family, and will extend it when He sees fit. I am glad with the two beautiful children I now have. I am grateful to be a mother, and for awareness in my parenting. I am grateful to have a committed partner, although we have definitely fought to get where we are now. I am grateful for the cou

Freely Give...to the Homeless Man on the side of the Highway!

Dear Friends, I know you along with me have seen the homeless men and women standing right off the highway exits with signs like this: "Homeless, disabled, please help. God bless." In our world, we never  know who is honestly in need or not. My husband told me of a news coverage where a "homeless" man was followed after begging at the side of the road, and actually lived in a nice neighborhood and had a very nice house! Talk about shameful! I also have my doubts when I pull up to these people. I often rationalize that if they are truly homeless, they brought it upon themselves. Everyone else has to work hard to have things, why do they get off so easily? I thought that homelessness was really nothing more than a disorder of sorts, where money management and irresponsibility were the real culprits for their situations. But I have been reading a LOT of verses in the Bible lately that talk about charity and giving to the poor. Jesus says we will ALWAYS have the

Still Life Glimpse

If I could capture a picture right now of the inside of my home, it would look like this: Toys, books, and scattered random objects on the living room floor, courtesy of my kids; Open patio door, listening to the fountain outside; Kids playing in their room, me calling the occasional time-out for not listening; Our brand new baby kitty, Kittle, lying on the soft brown rug in the bathroom, asleep; Fading flowers in a vase spread out in different directions, with the pink rose having the biggest, most beautiful bloom. If I could capture a picture of the inside of my thoughts right now, you would see: The anxious anticipation of my husband's return home from his 'man-cation." My dread of the approaching late hour as I wrangle four beings to bed; My reluctancy to pick up all the objects on the floor; My laziness (and frugality) to go turn on the air even though I'm roasting; My wishing my kids had tape over their mouths so they can't call my name

The Ghosts I See

I was born and raised in Lansing, MI. I was born on August 23, 1986 at St. Lawrence Hospital. When I was 2 I was taken in by my daycare providers while my parents tried to get on their feet in order to provide for me. When they couldn't, I was adopted at age 5. I don't remember a lot of happiness between 7 and 18, but when I was a sophomore in college I packed my bags and left for school and wiped the dust of that town off my feet. Today I hardly ever return. It is, to me, a ghost town. Every blue moon when I go to visit, I may drive past my old house, they one I was raised in as a child. I see myself playing on the driveway, being careful not to trip on the raised crack. I remember shaking the ant off my shoe while howling loudly as my sister laughed from inside the house. I remember pretending to re-enact the stories of Cinderella in the backyard. And I remember how I used to pretend the giant gnarly tree in the backyard of the house next door (which my parents owned also)

The Happy Files: Epilogue

My friends, I have something great to announce: I am happy! Yet I have a twinge in my chest as I announce that, because I am wise enough to know that such a feeling is usually fleeting in such a world as this, but what I resume to say that I have made certain changes and goals for myself that allow me to reach towards happiness on a daily minutia basis. My reservations about happiness include the knowledge that: *The Christian life is not always filled with happiness, but instead pain, constant searching, a denial of self, and giving up of human urges to defend oneself and fight back for the sake of being Christ-like. *Marriage does not = ultimate, immediate, or long-lasting happiness; nor do children. *Family often produces more feelings of pain and heartache, and happiness regarding family is fleeting (in my case anyways) *Opening your heart to friends and family is not always a happy experience, but if your goal is to do so, you must be confident in your feelings about you

Are you Ready to be Loved?

It's Saturday morning. I am sitting with my  coffee, apple, and bagel. I am content with my two children across the room playing computer games, and still high from the intimate lovemaking my husband and I shared last night. I am ready to be loved, and I embrace it. I am happy. Why share so much? I am satisfied with food in my belly. I see my babies playing contently. My husband and I are loving to each other. I feel satisfied. That's why I am ready to be loved and ready to embrace it. Daily, I must decide how much I will allow myself to be loved and by whom. Women are notorious for allowing relationships to frustrate and dwindle by placing impossible demands upon their partners for love. Not that women are impossible of being loved by others, or satisfyingly so... women forget that one must self-love to accept outer love. Remember how it felt when your best friend ran to you in school and whispered that someone liked you? You felt giddy, excited, powerful, noticed, and

The Happy Files, Ch. 12

Chapter 12 Complete a nagging task.   If you've learned anything about me through previous chapters and journals, you may know this could be a never-ending goal for me.I ALWAYS stay packed to the brim with nagging tasks. Finishing my new Oprah magazine, or starting it for that matter. Taking out chicken to thaw for dinner later. Going to buy a "For Sale" sign for my car. Searching online for coupons or deal-breaker sales. Doing the laundry! I drive myself insane half the time by assigning myself ridiculous tasks with an unrealistic time limit in which to finish it...which leads to me doing nothing and being extremely unproductive. Well, my newest task is to create a 5-year goal plan. The catch is, I'm only allowed to assign myself TWO THINGS per year to accomplish. I want to jump off a bridge figuratively speaking as I type this. TWO THINGS?! How in the world am I to soothe my Type-A personality with only approaching two things at a time? My hope is that by setti

The Happy Files, Ch. 11

Ch. 11 Hello my friends! Today I want to share with you a few tidbits I learned recently from a Family Fun workshop through the "Press Pause" women's conference at Valley Family Church. The topics are family and surprisingly, money. What does money have to do with family, you ask? Quite a bit! One of the biggest causes of divorce is financial strain. We've all seen single parents where the mom has three to five kids, works about two jobs, is tired, broke, and short after not receiving child support on time from the dad (or at all), and can't afford to buy her kids everything she wishes to, or else spends all her money trying to compensate for the shortcomings and still ends up with no money for savings or retirement. I went to the workshop seeking more ideas to help my family run smoothly, to help me find ideas for activities for all of us to do that would hopefully not cost a lot of money. I am very cheap. I do not like to spend money very often, and when I d

The Happy Files, Ch. 10

Chapter 10 I am still steadily plodding my way through my happiness project, and it has recently taken a little twist during my journey to develop my spirituality. Like many people, I was raised in church, and after going to college decided I didn't quite agree with all of the principles taught by my church and entered a partying phase. It was short-lived as I became pregnant with my first son. Having kids really made me think, "How am I going to teach these children about spirituality and about Christianity (my faith of choice)?" I have still been trying to figure that one out. Imagine my surprise and relief when I opened my planner this past week to discover I had penciled in a Women's Conference on Thurs/Fri. I scheduled the dates back in late March or early April, when Valley Family Church sent a flyer advertising their first ever two-day women's conference. The conference was titled, "Press Pause." Sounded just like my type of event! I really ad

Let it Be

This is an aside from the Happy Files. Ladies, I have a very important and sincere message to give to you. Let it Be. "What the hell are you talking about, " you may be wondering. But I think you know. "I just can't fit into my pre-preggo pants!" Let it Be. " My boobs just don't look the way they used to before I had kids!" Let it Be. " I have all these gray strands in my hair and I'm only 35!" Let it Be. " I don't have the six-pack I used to have!" Let it Be. " Maybe if I was younger I could do that!" Let it Be. " I'm getting wrinkles before 30!" Let it Be. " I can't run/walk/jog as fast as I used to" Let it Be. "It" refers to the all of the ways we fight aging. All of the ways we tell ourselves we aren't good enough, or sexy enough, or strong enough, or YOUNG ENOUGH to continue to make a difference. Used goods, eh? Well let me tell you something. Life is

Happy Files Ch.9

Chapter 9 This chapter is all about finding happiness by accepting yourself as you are and making a difference by being yourself. Impressing others by pretending to be someone you're not or know something you don't isn't nearly as exciting as wowing others by who you aren't (a boring know-it-all) and what you don't (you don't know what Glee! is all about? Oh my gosh I have to tell you). In fact, just being who you are opens up a world full of conversational possibilities with other selves out there. Part of accepting myself is knowing that I cannot sew to save my life. I cannot do more than 3 hip-hop moves (and wiggling hips down low does not count) to have enough variety while dancing. I love flowers and would like to have a garden and grow flowers and veggies, but I am so deathly afraid of bugs my garden will probably never be tended to because I will kill everything with bug spray. I don't know Spanish as fluently as I wish I did, but I know I could s

The Happy Files, Ch.8

Chapter 8 So I needed a little while to get my happyness goals set in motion by developing habits to achieve them. So far I am on my second week of creating a structure of exercise where I work out 25 min/day. The first week that goal landed me 5 days of exercise! I don't think I've ever willingly worked out 5 days in any one week. This is week 2, and the structure so far has gotten me 4 days of exercise, and I have two more days in the week; I missed Monday. This has made me a little happier in that I know I am taking responsibility for exercise and pushing myself to make it routine. When I make it a choice, it won't happen. This is what I have found works for me . Your own goals may need different structure than what I have set up for myself. This chapter is mainly about family. This month Shawn and I produced our first issue of our first newsletter, called The Padula Post. It was one of my goals to keep our families updated with our lives and include them in our fam

The Happy Files, Ch. 7

Chapter 7 Amazing how one of my happiness goals, forgiveness, has sat active in my mind with the drawing near of and occurrence of Mother's Day. What a beautiful holiday. I couldn't help realizing my inability to enjoy the day with abandon. I knew that in addition to being Mother's Day, it was also my adoptive mother's birthday, her 60th. I am always very aware of how old my parents are, and with each passing birthday I cringe a little thinking ahead to the days when their birthdays will only bring memories instead of a voice on the other end of the telephone line. I knew I would call my mother today, and I knew I would wish her both a happy birthday and a happy Mother's Day, and let her know I hoped she would have a great day. I figured we would politely exchange conversation about our plans for the day, how things were going with my husband's job, etc But I knew that after not talking for four weeks we were both thinking the same thing : "Why is this

The Happy Files,Ch. 6

Chapter 6 I have come to grips about a few things about myself that have always bothered me but now I feel I can accept. The first: I find a project that I want to tackle, I run it into the ground, I wear myself out over it, and then I am so fatigued I end up at times becoming depressed because of my lack of progress and simply give up on it for an unprecedented period of time. Take exercise, for example. I put myself through hell to have a flat stomach, slimmer thighs, and toned arms after having two babies. I attributed my inability to lose weight after my first pregnancy to having hypothryroidism, which does make it almost impossible to lose weight. I then fell into a depression because I loved eating too much to avoid certain foods AND hated cardio too much to run around my apartment complex. Talk about Mission Impossible! I set out to accomplish a task, and when other factors contributed to the delay of the completion of my task, I have a heart attack! Everyone around was te