A healing journal can be whatever you need it to be. For me, I need a place to share some of my soul. This journal takes place in Lansing and Kalamazoo, MI. I am not afraid to heal. There is no filter on this post, because my best work comes from a truly awesome and terrifying place. No cliches here, just me unexposed and in the raw. Because I'm not afraid. I have a cousin who I didn't know too well growing up, because she was older. I called her "Cousin Fran" because I was taught to give titles to adults, even family member adults. She was always sweet to me, and I was the flower girl in her wedding. I remember I got to wear lipstick, and my cousin kissed me to transfer some of her excess lipstick onto my lips. I felt like a goddess the rest of the day. This same cousin now has breast cancer. She is going to write a book soon. What will it be about? I don't know, but I know it will be real and raw and unafraid. I wrote on her Facebook the words "No

A healing journal can be whatever you need it to be. For me, I need a place to share some of my soul. This journal takes place in Lansing and Kalamazoo, MI. I am not afraid to heal. It's like being chased Sooner than later it's going to catch up with you And if it doesn't kill you, the running will. It's like taking medicine to solve your tummyache And it won't stay down And you know the tummyache's gonna come back, over and over. It's like staring at your reflection And you make a face Yet your reflection doesn't move You walk away and it stays behind, still staring at where you were. It's like screaming and kicking and scratching at flesh And biting and growling and howling till hoarse While your mouth smiles and your eyes brighten Talking to someone you like It's like an insurmountable rage Surly and intensifying Crawling up your throat, which tightens uncomfortably And escapes as a tear or two That's what my p

A healing journal can be whatever you need it to be. For me, I need a place to share some of my soul. This journal takes place in Lansing and Kalamazoo, MI. I am not afraid to heal. Sometimes having a physical place to go isn't enough. Remember all the stories about ghosts and the paranormal you've heard? The lore is that when a spirit doesn't know it needs to "pass over" it will continually try to find it's place among us, the living, wreaking havoc because it is tormented not knowing where it belongs or what happened to it. I felt the same way. I had couches and rooms from which to sleep, refrigerators from which to eat, faces at which to look but couldn't find my resting place. I felt like I was blocked by an impermeable glass wall. People's thoughts and feelings were muffled. I felt like I heard one thing and saw another. People were dropping away from me as if I carried an incredible stench. I knew it was because of my ghost, of what I repres

A healing journal can be whatever you need it to be. For me, I need a place to share some of my soul. This journal takes place in Lansing and Kalamazoo, MI. I am not afraid to heal. In September 2012, I began an awesome adventure. I decided that I had received a divinely orchestrated opportunity to study under the worship team/ministry/group at Mt. Hope Church in Lansing, MI. As a young girl, I had visited this church because I had some family who attended, and we would go to Christmas, Easter, and Halloween/luia events there. I particularly remembered being a young girl walking down the hall of that building, feeling the something that was there; it was a feeling of something mysterious and unseen, a strong presence that lifted my spirit. I had never felt that feeling at my own church or anywhere else. I had seen other people who seemed like maybe they felt it, but I didn't. I knew that church was a special place. Fast forward many years later to adulthood, and there I w

JOB DESCRIPTION     A working mother is any woman who is caring for a child or group of children and providing or supplementing partial provision for them in the guise of housing, food, supervision, education, character building, and emotional investment. The ideal working mother works in partnership with a working father, and unfortunately according to recent US studies from 2005-2009, over 13 MILLION parents are single parents (84% of which are single mothers) raising 26% of the population considered to be minors (under 18 years of age).   According to this website (  http://singleparents.about.com/od/legalissues/p/portrait.htm ) on the statistics of single parenting, many parents started out in committed relationships and never intended to become single parents! Most single moms are over age 40 and divorced. Women who were never married are close behind them on the single-parent trend. So we already have many working mothers who are not in partnership with the man who hel

Good morning! It's 9:00 am, the morning of my 26th birthday, and so much has happened. Opening my eyes this morning, I didn't think as I have so often in the past with giddy excitement "Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, birthday, birthday, birthday! Me! Me! Me!" or something to that effect. I woke up, thinking how annoyed I was that my daughter was screaming in contempt of something her older brother was doing in the room next door. My newborn son (well, 11 weeks old) was next to me kicking me in my chest (bare chest) since he snuck into the bed during the night to nurse. He was, of course, kicking in his sleep so he got a free pass-this time. Then my husband comes in, leans over to kiss my forehead before heading off to work, and says "Happy Birthday." What??? Wow. I forgot. Again. He had told me "Happy Birthday" at midnight just before bed last night, and again I exclaimed, "Oh wow. I forgot again!." I don't have a great memor

So, I was pregnant at 20; brand new boyfriend (of 3 weeks), senior year of college at stake, all my life plans for the time being hovering menancingly in my face telling me I would have to choose. I said "Screw you!" What life didn't know about me was that I was a determined motivated driven individual who scoffed in the face of unwed pregnancy. I knew the stigma, shame, and judgement that was coming, and I was prepared for it. Poor Amy, she was just shell-shocked at the new demands and responsibilities. I, on the other hand, had lots of first-hand experience at caring for children/babies. My mom ran a daycare and I was often recruited to help. I cared for my newborn cousin/foster brother-turned adoptive brother when he was fresh in from the hospital, having NO prior experience in being left alone with a colicky newborn. That was hard. My sister had my first nephew when I was seven, and I loved helping with him and his sister when she was born when they were at our hous

This is a severely risky post from me on many levels- for my self-respect, self-image, integrity, and the like. But it is one that will better all of these once these truths have been freed. Buckle up. If you watch the show, "The Secret Life of the American Teenager," you will know exactly what I'm referring to in this post, or rather whom. If you don't know the show and could care less about it, just be a good sport and pretend. As we all know, the show starts with Amy finding out she is pregnant after being coaxed into having unprotected sex at fifteen at band camp by the hot guy Ricky. Ricky beds all girls even though he has a girlfriend Adrian (who is my current TV girl crush). As you can imagine, this show is like a common day version of "Young and the Restless" which my mom used to watch faithfully every afternoon. This show is so yummy my mouth is watering right now. Continuing on: Amy doesn't tell Ricky or her parents until the baby is almo

So! I've been leading worship at a really nice church; I actually started out as just the pianist, playing the hymns that were selected and picked by the pastor. A few transitions and a new pastor later, I saw myself being stretched, molded, and blended into someone I'd always subconsciously wanted to be but never really knew how to take the steps to become: A Worship Leader. I've always felt that worship was my way to the cross. To believing whole-heartedly in a Saviour. To pouring out my heart and thoughts to God. To using it as a healing mechanism from my hurts. Going to a Black church, I appreciated gospel and old hymns. Simultaneously going to a White Christian school gave me awareness of contemporary Christian music using an acoustic guitar, drumset, and people lifting up their hands and closing their eyes. Going to college opened up all other types of music to me, and a revamped direction and Classical training in piano really gave me a world of music to enjoy and

Hey. I've missed my blog! I just want to say that there are so many beautiful people in the world. My hormones are going crazy. I've just had a baby 8 weeks ago, so you'll have to forgive the emotional gushing. But seriously. I'm seriously super inspired by endurance, emotion, simplicity of spirit, character and integrity, and sincerity and humbleness. My birth mom, Teresa, is someone who is humble. I can tell her something I struggle with and she snaps back with "Me too, Monica! I really need to work on that." We share and bond over our weaknesses. It makes me feel relieved that I'm not a perfect woman. Those are overrated. I am not in the slightest athletic in a sports-sense. I'm a pretty decent musical athlete. But in the sports world, trying to catch up with the Olympics to me is almost like going to school again. I'm impressed by how smart, fit, and talented those athletes are and feel like I am super ignorant about their world and their

You ever hear someone smugly tell you some wise saying and you believe it? Then you start to thinking, "Does it really say that in the Bible?" Not that people can't be wise, but every good and perfect gift is from above, so if it's true wisdom it should reflect a well-known source for wisdom...which for Christians is the Bible. Here's some things that really make me think twice when I hear them said: "Actions speak louder than words." I'm not an expert on the Bible, but I do and have read a lot and I don't remember this one. I remember ones along similar lines, such as "Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right " which is simply saying that even children's characters can be deciphered by what they do, whether they do it with mischief or sincerity. Another verse is "Out of the mouth the heart speaks ." Here's the kicker: an action is a function carried out through output of the con

Know your truth! Anyone who didn't live it, doesn't know it! My friend, your confidence and self-esteem must be strong for this one. So many of us, especially those who are known as Adult Children, seek approval as a means of value to their life. The problem is that most people want you to pay a heavy price for their approval, one that is demeaning to your growth and recovery. It can be denial, it can be suppression of healing, or any number of things that are not right for you. Know your truth! Stand in it so you don't fall or lead others to remain in predicaments they need to get out of. I am inspired by the Bible because of all the adversity and controversy discussed in the stories. Many prophets were afraid...people back in those days would stone them to death for hearing something told they didn't want to hear, for being told something that made them uncomfortable, for being asked to change something they weren't trying to change. Some prophets ran away, l

My description of an Adult Child would be as follows: an individual who is legally an adult but still has  child-like underdevelopment due to malnutrition of mental/emotional health, and may be living in conditions where there stinted growth is causing them to have dysfunctional and unhealthy relationships in the real world. Emotionally they are still in a child-like state and need to grow up.  I would dare to say some characteristics of Adult Children would be approval-seeking; trouble with rejection; attention-seeking; trouble saying "no" and feeling bad when they do; feeling anxiety or depression because of others' thoughts about them; staying in physically or emotionally abusive and manipulative relationships because they don't know a way out or even know that they are in a harmful relationship. I would estimate that Adult Children make up a remarkable part of our population, but women are more easily spotted and observed than men. Why are there adult children? On

Dear Friends, Women are very interesting creatures. I think they are beautiful, mesmerizing, strong, captivating, remarkable creations. And then we open our mouths. Women are emotional and sensitive. Duh. If you are a woman reading this right now you're impatient that I'm even mentioning these obvious characteristics. Here are other observations I've noted about women that aren't so, well, nice: *Women are competitive (with men, for men, to be seen by men, to be seen with men by other women) *Women are territorial (we don't like to share) *Women are catty (we pick small items to nag about and may manage to throw things if you're "not listening) *Women are gossips (we say something to your face and talk about you behind your back, within the same 10 minutes sometimes) *Women are loyal (we will fight for a friend even if we AND they are wrong) *Women are jealous (of child-making abilities, of someone's position in life, of someone's body/h