Skip to main content

The Happy Files: Epilogue

My friends, I have something great to announce: I am happy!

Yet I have a twinge in my chest as I announce that, because I am wise enough to know that such a feeling is usually fleeting in such a world as this, but what I resume to say that I have made certain changes and goals for myself that allow me to reach towards happiness on a daily minutia basis. My reservations about happiness include the knowledge that:

*The Christian life is not always filled with happiness, but instead pain, constant searching, a denial of self, and giving up of human urges to defend oneself and fight back for the sake of being Christ-like.

*Marriage does not = ultimate, immediate, or long-lasting happiness; nor do children.

*Family often produces more feelings of pain and heartache, and happiness regarding family is fleeting (in my case anyways)

*Opening your heart to friends and family is not always a happy experience, but if your goal is to do so, you must be confident in your feelings about yourself so you can bounce back in the light of an uncomfortable experience

*If nature and outside light bring you joy, what do you do during consecutive gloomy days?

*The world is falling, and we are right in the middle of it.

Happiness is indeed a choice. Some things that have made me happy have been downsizing; cleaning out my closet and donating, selling household items for cheaper than I might have normally, and being humble and satisfied with choosing to have less. Other things include studying Scripture to gain wisdom and insight into how to live a fulfilling life, donating my time to service, finding how I may be useful towards the service of greater good, accepting that life is pain and one must move on in spite of it, and striving to create  treasure-house of happy memories for my babies. Having a partner to share life with has been such a treasure and a gift, and I thank God that He sets an example of how to love unconditionally so we can copy this in our relationships. These things have made my heart glad.

The hardest but most satisfying thing I have been doing to be happy is opening my heart. I feel afraid and scared of what the receiver will make of me exposing myself, and my chest often aches when I am developing new friendships or reuniting with friends---what will they think of me and my life now? But I know and comfort myself with the fact that I am always striving to be better and to live my life so the Lord will call me a good and faithful servant. This is why I am happy though my heart aches. Happiness is not a feeling, it is a choice, just like love. Although they can have emotional counterparts, they are just as needy of receiving constant renewal on daily an hourly bases to be fruitful.

I wish you the best in your journeys of love and happiness. And thank you for sharing in mine :)

Love, Monica
Labels:

Comments

  1. Simple Single MomAugust 1, 2011 at 9:26 AM

    Wonderful post Monica. Its true, happiness is a choice we make day after day. Nothing outside of us can ever guarantee happiness. I'm really happy FOR you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Moni PadulaAugust 11, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    Thanks Ani!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

White or Black? Choose ONE.

After a long hiatus from blogging, I was finally inspired to pick up my virtual "pen" and write after reading, crying, and being inspired by an article in the May issue of Ebony magazine. Catapulted in part by the remarks by Halle Berry in a past issue of Ebony regarding her view on her daughter's race, this issue is chock-full of articles regarding mixed persons' views of themselves, their families, their mixed-raced children, and what they regard themselves as racially. The crying ensued as relief-that I am not alone, that others feel as I do, that I can share my feelings without the fear of judgement. That I can be honest about who I see myself as. Because this is about ME, not about others' feelings or perceptions of me. Not about what is "politically correct" regarding my raceor allowing society to push me into a "neat little box" of either Black or White. As an adoptee, my Black parents always made sure I knew what I was mixed with, b...
6 comments
Read more

What I Wish I Would've Done

Everyone handles grief differently. I would say I hold it at a distance, tolerating it in small spurts. My Great-Grandmother Donna Langdon died recently. Although I only knew her for a short time (being reunited 6-7 years ago after being adopted), I find myself missing her. I handle death in a very meticulous way. First, I being to tell myself that it will soon happen, sometimes preparing many, many years in advance. I have done this with my grandparents, and I did this with my great-grandmother. Some people say they "don't think about it," but I'm the opposite...I understand it as a normal part of life, I forewarn myself of it's pending coming, and gently remind myself every so often so I can figure out the best way for me to handle the situation. This may seem morbid to you, or insensitive even. Truth is, if I don't think about it, plan on it, I'm not sure how my grief process would end up. For me, death is the ultimate separation in this life. I...
6 comments
Read more

Why I am so Flipping Honest

My mom always said, "Always tell the truth. Even if you think you're going to get in trouble. I need to be able to trust what you say, because one day you're going to need me to trust when it looks like you're lying." I never forgot that, and I began my truth-telling as a young lady. Even when I was telling the truth, I still sometimes was perceived as lying. But I held to that code of honor 99.9% of the time for the next years of my life up to this day. There were times I became defensive and eluded an honest view of myself and something wrong I had done, but I came around. The lie I most regret is the one to Mrs. Rabeler, ninth-grade algebra teacher. She was a very smart, sharply-dressed woman who taught at Lansing Christian High School. Man, was she brilliant at math. She wrote neatly on the overhead, and nobody even thought to disrespect her, I don't think. The one rule we all had is that we could NOT chew gum in school. We had a brand new school and e...
2 comments
Read more