It's Saturday morning. I am sitting with my coffee, apple, and bagel. I am content with my two children across the room playing computer games, and still high from the intimate lovemaking my husband and I shared last night. I am ready to be loved, and I embrace it. I am happy.
Why share so much? I am satisfied with food in my belly. I see my babies playing contently. My husband and I are loving to each other. I feel satisfied. That's why I am ready to be loved and ready to embrace it.
Daily, I must decide how much I will allow myself to be loved and by whom. Women are notorious for allowing relationships to frustrate and dwindle by placing impossible demands upon their partners for love. Not that women are impossible of being loved by others, or satisfyingly so...women forget that one must self-love to accept outer love.
Remember how it felt when your best friend ran to you in school and whispered that someone liked you? You felt giddy, excited, powerful, noticed, and important. When we are younger, we accept love so easily, and as we grow we realize there are insecurities that must definitely keep us from being loved by another, that someone else must obviously see and if they had any sense wouldn't dare be interested in loving us for the long haul. We defeat ourselves and our right to be loved as we are, without becoming perfect. But yet we demand a perfect love that is to surpass our insecurities, which is unattainable for anyone but God to fulfill.
The first person in our lives to love us was not our siblings, our parents, our friends. The first One to love us was God, who loved and loves us TO DEATH. While we were yet sinning, Christ died for mankind. He called us royalty (1 Peter 2:9); He is our greatest Encourager (2 Thess 2:16-17); when we are broken and hurting, He is close to us (Ps. 34:18); His death was the best demonstration of His love for us (1 John 4:10); He gave up everything to gain our love (Rom 8:31-32); NOTHING will ever separate us from His love (Rom 8:38-39); He will ALWAYS be our Abba Father (Eph. 3:14-15); We are His most treasured possession (Ex. 19:5); He knows EVERYTHING about us (Ps. 139:1); He chose us when planning creation (Eph. 1:11-12); He knit us together in our mother's womb (Ps. 139:18); It is His desire to lavish love upon us (1 John 3:1); He is our provider and meets ALL our needs (Matt. 6:31-33); His thought toward us are countless (Ps. 139:17-18); and He LOVES US WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE (Jer. 31:3). WOW! Our Maker has rejoiced over us and wants to do good by us, wants to LOVE us, and has done so since before we breathed our first breath outside of our Mother's womb. How does it make you feel to know someone so unabashedly is in love with you? It makes me feel like a million bucks!
Once we understand what unconditional love is through God's example of love towards us (while we were YET sinners, Christ DIED for us!), we are ready to take the next (and hardest) step: learning to exhibit self-love. Unfortunately, as imperfect humans, this often comes through learning a lesson that often includes losing someone we really love before we can realize how important this step is.
My first boyfriend and I were very much in love. I loved him so much I smothered him. Years later after we broke up, I understood it wasn't exactly my love that smothered him, it was my insecurities. It was my heart, my broken past, my desire to heal that I mistook for love and begged him to love me in spite of. It was me seeking acceptance through physical touch (though we were both trying to remain chaste); it was me being jealous of him taking pictures with other girls (fear that I would be replaced); it was me wanting him to spend ALL his free moments with me (fear of being alone even for a healthy while); and me even being willing to spend my Spring Break praying and fasting for our relationship (which lasted about 1.5 hungry days). I take responsiblity for my part in not making that relationship succeed, and that loss still saddens me to this day as that person was a very special and important part of my life, especially during that time. But through that experience I am able to spot and redirect those same urges in my current relationship and marriage. I now have ME time (blogging/vlogging/Youtubing etc.), I now take care of myself as if I love myself (painting nails, doing hair, pursuing wellness), I seek to know myself outside of my mothering and wife-ing duties (studying Scripture, being open and honest with myself and others, developing new friendships), and staying true to my gifts (music, hospitality, serving, leading, inspiring, and learning). Self-love is a difficult step because we were conditioned as children to seek for loving approval from parents, family,teachers, reverends, friends, teammates, and employers. Being confident in yourself as someone who is loved unconditionally by God is a fireproof way to keep from attaching your insecurities to another in desperation to be loved. Being in love with yourself BY YOURSELF is a very lonesome experience, yet very empowering.
So how do we prepare ourselves to be loved by our partner? I'll break it down for you:
1. Know who you are by knowing WHOSE you are....and repeat this to yourself daily.
2. Allow yourself to be open with yourself, fixing and working on your insecurities until you love who you are and the direction of growth you are headed in.
3. DO NOT entertain thoughts of judgement and condemnation about yourself to continue-you must constantly strive to eradicate all negative self-talk.
4. Love yourself like you want someone to love you.
5. Invest in "You" time.
6. Know your value, worth, and how to be complete on your own: the hardest but most revealing step.
7. If he says he loves you as you are, accept that and believe him. Don't refute his confessions of adoration.
8. Love back wholly and unconditionally.
My friends, after all this talk, WHAT IS LOVE?
Love is a CHOICE to care for someone without being influenced by outside factors. It must often be renewed and retried, but is very rewarding when persevered and refined throughout time.
Here's to love, choosing to be loved, and accepting God's love for us!
Love, Monica
Why share so much? I am satisfied with food in my belly. I see my babies playing contently. My husband and I are loving to each other. I feel satisfied. That's why I am ready to be loved and ready to embrace it.
Daily, I must decide how much I will allow myself to be loved and by whom. Women are notorious for allowing relationships to frustrate and dwindle by placing impossible demands upon their partners for love. Not that women are impossible of being loved by others, or satisfyingly so...women forget that one must self-love to accept outer love.
Remember how it felt when your best friend ran to you in school and whispered that someone liked you? You felt giddy, excited, powerful, noticed, and important. When we are younger, we accept love so easily, and as we grow we realize there are insecurities that must definitely keep us from being loved by another, that someone else must obviously see and if they had any sense wouldn't dare be interested in loving us for the long haul. We defeat ourselves and our right to be loved as we are, without becoming perfect. But yet we demand a perfect love that is to surpass our insecurities, which is unattainable for anyone but God to fulfill.
The first person in our lives to love us was not our siblings, our parents, our friends. The first One to love us was God, who loved and loves us TO DEATH. While we were yet sinning, Christ died for mankind. He called us royalty (1 Peter 2:9); He is our greatest Encourager (2 Thess 2:16-17); when we are broken and hurting, He is close to us (Ps. 34:18); His death was the best demonstration of His love for us (1 John 4:10); He gave up everything to gain our love (Rom 8:31-32); NOTHING will ever separate us from His love (Rom 8:38-39); He will ALWAYS be our Abba Father (Eph. 3:14-15); We are His most treasured possession (Ex. 19:5); He knows EVERYTHING about us (Ps. 139:1); He chose us when planning creation (Eph. 1:11-12); He knit us together in our mother's womb (Ps. 139:18); It is His desire to lavish love upon us (1 John 3:1); He is our provider and meets ALL our needs (Matt. 6:31-33); His thought toward us are countless (Ps. 139:17-18); and He LOVES US WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE (Jer. 31:3). WOW! Our Maker has rejoiced over us and wants to do good by us, wants to LOVE us, and has done so since before we breathed our first breath outside of our Mother's womb. How does it make you feel to know someone so unabashedly is in love with you? It makes me feel like a million bucks!
Once we understand what unconditional love is through God's example of love towards us (while we were YET sinners, Christ DIED for us!), we are ready to take the next (and hardest) step: learning to exhibit self-love. Unfortunately, as imperfect humans, this often comes through learning a lesson that often includes losing someone we really love before we can realize how important this step is.
My first boyfriend and I were very much in love. I loved him so much I smothered him. Years later after we broke up, I understood it wasn't exactly my love that smothered him, it was my insecurities. It was my heart, my broken past, my desire to heal that I mistook for love and begged him to love me in spite of. It was me seeking acceptance through physical touch (though we were both trying to remain chaste); it was me being jealous of him taking pictures with other girls (fear that I would be replaced); it was me wanting him to spend ALL his free moments with me (fear of being alone even for a healthy while); and me even being willing to spend my Spring Break praying and fasting for our relationship (which lasted about 1.5 hungry days). I take responsiblity for my part in not making that relationship succeed, and that loss still saddens me to this day as that person was a very special and important part of my life, especially during that time. But through that experience I am able to spot and redirect those same urges in my current relationship and marriage. I now have ME time (blogging/vlogging/Youtubing etc.), I now take care of myself as if I love myself (painting nails, doing hair, pursuing wellness), I seek to know myself outside of my mothering and wife-ing duties (studying Scripture, being open and honest with myself and others, developing new friendships), and staying true to my gifts (music, hospitality, serving, leading, inspiring, and learning). Self-love is a difficult step because we were conditioned as children to seek for loving approval from parents, family,teachers, reverends, friends, teammates, and employers. Being confident in yourself as someone who is loved unconditionally by God is a fireproof way to keep from attaching your insecurities to another in desperation to be loved. Being in love with yourself BY YOURSELF is a very lonesome experience, yet very empowering.
So how do we prepare ourselves to be loved by our partner? I'll break it down for you:
1. Know who you are by knowing WHOSE you are....and repeat this to yourself daily.
2. Allow yourself to be open with yourself, fixing and working on your insecurities until you love who you are and the direction of growth you are headed in.
3. DO NOT entertain thoughts of judgement and condemnation about yourself to continue-you must constantly strive to eradicate all negative self-talk.
4. Love yourself like you want someone to love you.
5. Invest in "You" time.
6. Know your value, worth, and how to be complete on your own: the hardest but most revealing step.
7. If he says he loves you as you are, accept that and believe him. Don't refute his confessions of adoration.
8. Love back wholly and unconditionally.
My friends, after all this talk, WHAT IS LOVE?
Love is a CHOICE to care for someone without being influenced by outside factors. It must often be renewed and retried, but is very rewarding when persevered and refined throughout time.
Here's to love, choosing to be loved, and accepting God's love for us!
Love, Monica
Great blog Monica!!!! Very inspiring:) keep it up! *Ashley Howard*
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