Grandmother

 Aniin

I had been asking you to visit, because we never got to be together again. 

I was wondering, what would you say to me? How would your hug feel? 

I've heard so much about you, and you are talked about with so much love. 

I want you to know that once I found out who I was, I dedicated my life to honoring you

Because I knew Indians were honorable but I didn't know what it really meant to be one

To live through everything that we all did

And to still be here? I didn't really know we were still here, even though I was here. 

When I started speaking the language, I thought of you. Did you remember how to speak? Did you ever speak Indian in your mind? 

I know that Grandmothers are special people, predecessors of us with so many stories to tell, so many triumphs to share

And I wouldn't know what yours were

I was so glad you left the journals. I can hear your voice when I read it. You're funny. 

I liked what you said. You always wrote down when someone owed you money. 

I learned your frybread dough method, thanks for giving it to Janice. She told me you said to add in the water a little at a time. That makes so much more sense. 

I wonder if you thought about meeting me again. I just realized I should have been offering you sema this whole time. Shit. I'm slacking on what I was taught (I'm chuckling here). 

I thought I saw you one time in my dreams, I thought I saw a blurry figure sitting on the bench. I thought we were just about to talk, and I thought I had finally found you up there. But then I woke up. I think I felt despair for a split second. I think I was close. I still want to look for you and hear from you. I wish I could know what you learned and learn what you remember. Thank you for making it through everything. Omaa ndayaa. Baamaapii meenwa kaa waabmin, Nokomis.