As many of you may know, there was a point in time where even writing about this issue as a mixed-race woman married to a white man would be cause for an uproar and possibly dangerous to my family. It saddens me to think that our segregated world controlled our lives to down to the point of who we could or could not be in love with and choose to share our lives with. It not only saddens, but sickens me. I can only imagine the many who risked their lives and reputations in the sake of race love.
The sad movie "Imitation of Life" (1959) was shown to me at a mother-daughter function over my aunt's house. Some of my aunt's and their daughters had gotten together for Sunday lunch and a movie. I never forgot that movie. I was saddened that Sarah Jane disowned her mother to live a White lifestyle, regretting her hurtful actions a little too late, chasing after her mother's casket down the street after her mother died of a broken heart. If you remember, in the movie Sarah Jane passed for White often, being able to do so because of how fair-skinned she was. When her (White) boyfriend found out her mom was Black, he beat her, berated her and left her bleeding and bruised in a dark alley. Unfortunately, it seems this only cause Sarah Jane to hate her mother (and her black blood) even more.
Must we mention the horrific case of Emmett Till, the (14-year-old) Black boy who presumably whistled at a married store-owner's wife. He was kidnapped, beaten, viciously tortured, and carelessly dumped to wash upon shore three day's later. His murderers were acquitted, although admitting to the deed in later interviews. This account of one of the murderers is chilling to read, so brace yourself:
Nowadays, you can't go anywhere without seeing interracial relationship and children anywhere! When I was growing up (even being multiracial myself), my Black parents told me : "It's best to date within your race. If you marry a white man, he's gonna end up calling you a nigger. Everyone should just stay in their own race." Growing up, I tried to keep myself from liking anyone besides Black men. As I became more mature, I confronted myself about this trait. "Why are you trying to deny yourself something that should be natural and normal?" I would chide myself. "God loves everyone, and if we are in His image, shouldn't we love everyone too?"
Interracial relationships could have caused me to either "stay in my race" or "stray." My grandmother had an affair with a prominent Black doctor in her town, causing her to become pregnant with their love child, my mother. My beautiful mother always struggled not being able to have her father in her life (being that he was married, to a Black woman, with children). She had wild, poofy, red hair, that is now tightly curled around her head. My father was the result of a Black father and Native American mother, which has caused some complications in my family and I being accepted into our Saginaw Chippewa tribe. My mom and dad had me, and I married a White man. My children are much lighter than me, and my dughter could pass for White, with blue eyes and brown hair. My son green eyes and blond, curly hair, whose texture might raise some questions as to his race. However, all I see is beautiful. My first boyfriend was Black, of course...African to be more specific. After we broke up, I realized that I couldn't fight my multiracial interests in other men. Hispanic and Whites were also on my radar, and I was fighting myself every step of the way from seeing it. When I met my now-husband, I thought to myself, "It's time for something new." I knew I was attracted to him, and instead of running from him, I ran to him. We dated, mated, married, etc. And I am PROUD of myself for not neglecting the truth I always felt was there: that LOVE is colorblind, and instead of being afraid of other races we should embrace them, because God made all of us, and He makes all of us beautiful in His time. We are ALL beautiful, and should be loved unanimously across the board by all. I hate racial barriers, they force us to miss out on qualities other cultures possess that could benefit us. It hurts to see so many who acknowledge their prejudice against interracial relationship. Although I respect their stance, I do not agree with it. I think they're fighting with themselves. God didn't build a racial segregation chip inside of us, that was installed by man himself. I love seeing interracial couples : Paula Patton and Robin Thicke, Seal and Heidi Klum, Robert DeNiro and Grace, Ellen Pompeo and Chris Ivery, Lena Horne and Lennie Hayton.
I sometimes duck my head when walking with my family in front of Blacks; I wonder if they're thinking what my parents told me, that I should be staying within my race. Despite my insecurities, I hold my head high when telling my son that he is part Black and Native American, and that he and his hair are beautiful. I know that no matter the discrepancy when my children are out in the world as to their race, when I accompany them there should be no questions. I love the risk I took in starting a family and a love life with a man I may have avoided because of his skin. And I want to laugh at myself for how foolish that sounds. Beauty is within all of us, and we should share with each other-colorblindly.
Please enjoy the pics I post of me and my family.
Love,
Monica
The sad movie "Imitation of Life" (1959) was shown to me at a mother-daughter function over my aunt's house. Some of my aunt's and their daughters had gotten together for Sunday lunch and a movie. I never forgot that movie. I was saddened that Sarah Jane disowned her mother to live a White lifestyle, regretting her hurtful actions a little too late, chasing after her mother's casket down the street after her mother died of a broken heart. If you remember, in the movie Sarah Jane passed for White often, being able to do so because of how fair-skinned she was. When her (White) boyfriend found out her mom was Black, he beat her, berated her and left her bleeding and bruised in a dark alley. Unfortunately, it seems this only cause Sarah Jane to hate her mother (and her black blood) even more.
Must we mention the horrific case of Emmett Till, the (14-year-old) Black boy who presumably whistled at a married store-owner's wife. He was kidnapped, beaten, viciously tortured, and carelessly dumped to wash upon shore three day's later. His murderers were acquitted, although admitting to the deed in later interviews. This account of one of the murderers is chilling to read, so brace yourself:
Well, what else could we do? He was hopeless. I'm no bully; I never hurt a nigger in my life. I like niggers—in their place—I know how to work 'em. But I just decided it was time a few people got put on notice. As long as I live and can do anything about it, niggers are gonna stay in their place. Niggers ain't gonna vote where I live. If they did, they'd control the government. They ain't gonna go to school with my kids. And when a nigger gets close to mentioning sex with a white woman, he's tired o' livin'. I'm likely to kill him. Me and my folks fought for this country, and we got some rights. I stood there in that shed and listened to that nigger throw that poison at me, and I just made up my mind. 'Chicago boy,' I said, 'I'm tired of 'em sending your kind down here to stir up trouble. Goddam you, I'm going to make an example of you—just so everybody can know how me and my folks stand.'
J. W. Milam, Look magazine, 1956 [11]This account provoked such anger and overwhelming shock in me that it almost reminded me of how angry I was with the White world after reading "Roots" by Alex Haley. There were traumatizing deeds done to many people of Black, Native American, Asian descent by Whites, there is just no sugar-coating it. But to dictate who one can be in the least bit attracted to is a horrific flaw that I wish could be hidden because of how painful the memory of it is.
Nowadays, you can't go anywhere without seeing interracial relationship and children anywhere! When I was growing up (even being multiracial myself), my Black parents told me : "It's best to date within your race. If you marry a white man, he's gonna end up calling you a nigger. Everyone should just stay in their own race." Growing up, I tried to keep myself from liking anyone besides Black men. As I became more mature, I confronted myself about this trait. "Why are you trying to deny yourself something that should be natural and normal?" I would chide myself. "God loves everyone, and if we are in His image, shouldn't we love everyone too?"
Interracial relationships could have caused me to either "stay in my race" or "stray." My grandmother had an affair with a prominent Black doctor in her town, causing her to become pregnant with their love child, my mother. My beautiful mother always struggled not being able to have her father in her life (being that he was married, to a Black woman, with children). She had wild, poofy, red hair, that is now tightly curled around her head. My father was the result of a Black father and Native American mother, which has caused some complications in my family and I being accepted into our Saginaw Chippewa tribe. My mom and dad had me, and I married a White man. My children are much lighter than me, and my dughter could pass for White, with blue eyes and brown hair. My son green eyes and blond, curly hair, whose texture might raise some questions as to his race. However, all I see is beautiful. My first boyfriend was Black, of course...African to be more specific. After we broke up, I realized that I couldn't fight my multiracial interests in other men. Hispanic and Whites were also on my radar, and I was fighting myself every step of the way from seeing it. When I met my now-husband, I thought to myself, "It's time for something new." I knew I was attracted to him, and instead of running from him, I ran to him. We dated, mated, married, etc. And I am PROUD of myself for not neglecting the truth I always felt was there: that LOVE is colorblind, and instead of being afraid of other races we should embrace them, because God made all of us, and He makes all of us beautiful in His time. We are ALL beautiful, and should be loved unanimously across the board by all. I hate racial barriers, they force us to miss out on qualities other cultures possess that could benefit us. It hurts to see so many who acknowledge their prejudice against interracial relationship. Although I respect their stance, I do not agree with it. I think they're fighting with themselves. God didn't build a racial segregation chip inside of us, that was installed by man himself. I love seeing interracial couples : Paula Patton and Robin Thicke, Seal and Heidi Klum, Robert DeNiro and Grace, Ellen Pompeo and Chris Ivery, Lena Horne and Lennie Hayton.
I sometimes duck my head when walking with my family in front of Blacks; I wonder if they're thinking what my parents told me, that I should be staying within my race. Despite my insecurities, I hold my head high when telling my son that he is part Black and Native American, and that he and his hair are beautiful. I know that no matter the discrepancy when my children are out in the world as to their race, when I accompany them there should be no questions. I love the risk I took in starting a family and a love life with a man I may have avoided because of his skin. And I want to laugh at myself for how foolish that sounds. Beauty is within all of us, and we should share with each other-colorblindly.
Please enjoy the pics I post of me and my family.
Monica
We belong to one race, the human race. We all have the same skin color varying in shades from very light to very dark. I love the darker skin tones, they are so rich and velvety. It is interesting to know that your family sounds much like mine.
ReplyDeleteWow, Monica...this post came up on my newsfeed on Facebook so I had to read it...and it brought me to tears. Incredible words, and I agree completely. It's so sad to see where our country was once (and still is, in many, many ways). For people to say that racism still doesn't exist is ridiculous-- but for the people who can hold their heads up high and say, "I'm doing what I want", that's the best way to combat it. I've dated an Asian man, a black man, a Latino, you name it. I have no fear of color either, and I'm so glad to see I'm not alone. :)
ReplyDeletegreat post! We have had such similar journeys with being biracial, marrying white men & dealing with the "consequences" on our children. we should talk about it some time! =)
ReplyDelete