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I'm Still Here, but I'm not the Same.

To my lovely readers,

 I want you to know that I'm still here. I have been avoiding writing because my life is a little imperfect right now, and to share it with you would be very risky for me because it would mean being honest. As you know, I am very insistent on honesty. So since being honest would be hard, I decided to wait until I was confident enough to share this honesty with you.

 My life is such a grand mural, and a new paint or pattern may become splatted on it at the drop of a hat, with no warning and certainly no opportunity to wipe it off or rearrange. Once it's there, it's there. Displaying right on my heart. There's no way around it. I want to be responsible in how I share the new art that's been done, so that my words will paint an accurate and, again, confident portrait of what is now. 

 I find such an escape through writing, painting, playing my instruments. But I have to remember not everyone understands and unites with my soul. And I'm okay with that. But again, like a true artist, I slave and slave over my craft until I decide that it is okay to let the world see some of my art. And that can take a very long time for me. Because it is never perfect. It's never worthy enough to me to be released. And that is part of who I am. Thank you for letting me just be. Letting me just be me. 

 And now finally, I am going to unveil some of my imperfect art to you. I'm not asking you to like it, to understand it, to agree with it, or to accept it. But I am asking you to look at it for a while, and mull it over in such a way that afterwards you see the depictions I've carefully and painfully etched into it. You should see the glimmers of hopeful healing and relieving acceptance that are finally starting to appear. If you can but see some of that objectively no matter your opinion on my art, then I can smile that we can at least both look upon the same mural and see something great that is in the stage of becoming. 

 I'm still here, but I'm different than I was even three months ago. And I'm okay with that. Because my journey, my enlightenment, and my realizations have shown me that no matter what popular social opinion may be, I have a unique mindset and my set of experiences have shaped that into something that won't match anyone else's mural. I am so in awe of the murals I see painted all around me, on the posts through social media of my friends, of their new realizations. I am so happy and proud. I am so glad that this generation is becoming  free the way it was meant to be. 

 Thank you for peering into my journey with me. I am so appreciative and honored, needless to say humbled. But most of all I am becoming very free. And that is the best feeling indeed. Thank God Almighty. I'm becoming free at last.

 Yours,
Monica
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