Calling Out Christianity:My Perspective of this Religion in Modern Times

I must be crazy for doing this. No, actually I must want to be silently (or maybe loudly) slaughtered by judgmental minds and peering eyes, crazed holy folks who will not, not NOT tolerate any type of diversion tactics, alternate theories, or openness to other levels of spiritual living. And I'm okay with that. Because I must be honest. I can honestly say I feel like I'm getting ready to "come out" to the world, and although I don't know what that's like for those who are homosexual, I know what it feels like to "come out" religiously, and I'm about to do just that. 

Deep breath, you can do this. Just tell them what's on your mind. Just tell them...tell them...
I don't think I'm a Christian anymore, guys. Instead of trying to beautifully articulate gluttonous paragraphs trying to sanely explain what goes on in my noggin, I'll just write a quick annotated list of what has spiritually been happening inside of THIS woman.

• I was raised Seventh-Day Adventist; much legalism came from that. I thought if I was good enough, didn't "sin" and didn't eat pork I would be accepted. Then I realized my Grandma went to church on Sunday and loved chitlin's (or chitterlings) and wondered how in the world the God I thought I knew would send the holiest woman I ever knew to hell. She would "shout" in the middle of any sentence that had the word "God" in it. No way she was being thrown into flames!
• In college I began to go on my own spiritual journey. I knew the road I had been on hadn't really led me on a personal experience to the God I knew, so I kept trying to pursue it without going to church on Saturdays anymore.
• In college I think I had pepperoni. It was good. I also drank some caffeine. Although I still really did not drink much of it because SDA's REALLY do have an awesome perspective on healthy diet and have the potential to live a few years longer than the rest of the seafood-devouring pork lovers out here by following that health and temperance lifestyle.
• After I decided not to follow the religion of an Adventist, I started really thinking about why there were SO many different denominations. How were we all believing in the same God/Godhead/Trinity/Jesus but split up into SUCH diverse groups and extremes? This is where the word "interpretation" really took on new meanings for me.
• The HISTORY of Christianity really took me for a spin. Many Black Americans or descendants of Africans cling to Christianity and many different aspects of historical slave culture by belonging to certain denominations, doing certain dances/shouts/music chords that were common during slave times. But many slaves were FORCED to convert to Christianity, which was brought to them by the White man. Africans traditionally did not know ANYTHING about Christianity. It was a religion brought over from the East and imposed on Blacks. And not to sound "mean" but Blacks really took it and ran with it; seemed like that new religion was and still a way to survive and be free in the "captivity" of pain, suffering, sorrow, and again "sin." 
• Christianity seems like a huge act put on by many people. You will see the same people who were slain in the spirit yesterday today and they are totally different. You might see them at happy hour or wearing the latest and greatest, tightest and shortest apparel. Hey, Jesus turned water into wine at a wedding, so...he knew about partying, right?
• Christianity as a religion has become a status symbol. The holier you are, the more "Christlike" you are, the more prayerful/devotional/spiritual-sounding you are the more you are more separated from everyone else. Baptists, COGICS, Methodists, Reformed's, Lutherans, SDA's, Episcopal etc all have an idea of how to become "one" with God. It's mostly a lot of performing, or doing. 
• I started realizing why Jews were annoyed with Christians. Jews have been around since OT times, Christians are probably "New Age-ers" to them. The Jews are the "OG's" of religion, the Christians are the "Soulja-Boy's". What is he up to now, anyways?
• Everyone is so convinced that hell and heaven are defined things. No one can STILL tell me what happens when someone dies. Yes, I get that we are supposed to be caught up together in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. We make up all kinds of things to make ourselves feel better, but it's really NOT explained in the Bible. There are sometimes when people have been noted to speak with those who are dead in spirit form. Others were noted to be raised from the dead (doesn't the body decompose, so was the flesh restored when life was given back to them?) and yet others never died and were whisked away and disappeared, but only the really holy ones like Elijah and Methuselah.
• We went from living, according to Scripture, 900+ years in the beginning with a vegetarian diet and SOME "sin" to living MAYBE 70 years and you might be able to hit that with a shot of whiskey after dinner every day. 
• The Bible is COPYRIGHTED by Zondervan and other publishers??? 
• People STILL can't understand that girls are being prepared for fertility at 12-13 or earlier and are expected to wait to have sex until God sends them a spouse. I didn't see too many people sitting around waiting for spouses in the OT. They went and retrieved themselves spouses, or had servants do it for them. Or grabbed one from the current city they were visiting. And had sex with their servants. And had multiple wives. And it was "normal." And older men had way younger wives. Nowadays it's considered abhorrent and twisted. 
• The whole sex thing. Again, biologically and chemically the bodies are very ready earlier than the 20's for reproduction. I believe hormones and the like are natural responses to growth, not something sinful to be made to feel ashamed about. It just does NOT click with me. Yet we are pushing kids to wait longer and longer until they graduate this school or that college or have that degree or that job and then they have to wait to have kids too till after all that. It's just contrary to nature if you ask me. Teaching them early to prepare to be partners and parents seems like a more natural solution. Then they don't have to be shunned for marrying early or having kids young. 
• "Church" is now solidly defined as having awesome, moving music and a great orator. Without those you do NOT have an attractive, healthy, flourishing, abounding church. 
• God seems to be more of a level of "consciousness." To some they can feel the Spirit of God, which is felt not seen, unless you were in Pentecost when the Christian church first began. Some can see God in nature, in children, in art. They feel close to a Creator when things are being created or are ended, like death and childbirth, or when two people are brought together to begin a new life together.
• Separation is a very big concern for me in Christianity. You are to separate yourself from anyone who is not like-minded, regarding how they think of "God" "sin" or "holiness" and really occupy your space by everyone who thinks just like you. Everyone has all the answers to every question you have when inside they know they may actually have questions and doubts. But Jesus is the role model for Christianity, being the Christ. And he mingled amongst the people, among the hurt, among those who were plain "crazy" by our terms. He spoke out against the separaters, those who set standards so high no one could meet them. He told the Pharisees that they "thought" they were so holy, but they were actually blind as bats. He credited the "Kingdom of Heaven" to little children. Kids who probably can't wipe their own butts very well and still pee the bed at night. He said they and their spirits embodied an entire kingdom beyond the realm of this universe. That's kind of epic.
• Christianity is a safe place to go when you're hurting, needing assurance, hope, and guidance. It hugs you, provides salve, gives you great meditations to reflect on, and encourages you to open your soul through things like guided worship, sermons, and testimonials of the hardships and victories of others. It is a hope for the hopeless and a way people cope with living. It is a need. It is a life raft. To Christians, Jesus provided a way for everyone to have relief and hope that they will be rewarded for fighting through life with dignity, integrity, honesty, and perseverance. They are given ways to plow through trials, space and times where they can gather with others and pray for their needs or the needs of others. It really is a beautiful community for those who are in need of that and who need to find a way up out of their despair.
• The hardest concept for me to grasp is that I have to trust the authors of the Bible, who are men, who put together the different books, sat and voted on what would be included and what wouldn't, and then made all kinds of "translations" (read: interpretations) so people can choose which one best vibes with them. Scripture was not originally written in Ye Olde English you know! The stories have all been handed down over centuries. It is history, yes! There are many accurate accounts, yes! But my problem is with the actual people who were involved in the making, publishing, and distributing of the Holy Book. I also have concerns with certain teachers in Scripture, particularly Paul. After his conversion his letters became more and more...saintly. I'm not mocking here, but they were things he believed God led him to interpret from the "New Way" (read: post-Christ resurrection) that were different from the OT. I don't believe in my heart that the God of the OT changed his mind about marriage, "singlehood", diet, and day of worship. It makes NO sense to me at all. Again, I credit this to different denominational interpretations. But still, that the Creator of the Universe and our puny little selves can be condensed into 66 chapters of reading and then it's "The End." Just go do what that book says. God really comes with an instructional? A "how-to" to achieve oneness? 
• That animals talked. What the heck could that even SOUND like? And now they have evolved into slobbering, hairy, slithering nuisances that eat your plants or tear up your furniture (I'm completely kidding in a sense, I love pets.)

Obviously, you can see that I've thought about this extensively. This isn't meant for discussion, debate, or rebuttal. I think I know pretty much every single rebuttal or how to prove any and all of these things with a Scriptural reference, because I've done it, used it, or learned it from everyone else I've learned from in my prior journey. I've studied more Scripture than I know what to do with, and my own interpretation has changed with time and my maturity. I've read many books, been through many different levels of "consciousness" "arrival" "firm faith" "complete immersion" that I can count. I've lived this my WHOLE life. And I'm pretty sure many will choose to "just pray for me" so that I will turn around and repent and receive my full inheritance from God after I jump through hoops A, B, and C. This isn't meant to be a betrayal to all my past teachers, pastors, counselors/disciplers, leaders, etc who are very immersed in their faith and it serves as the foundation to their life. Never! This is simply me being brave and stating that I am no longer immersed like I was even four months ago. A light switch either turned on or off, depending on your perspective, and I can't ignore it. I've tried to wait it out, pray it out, beg it out, what have you. This is me expressing loyalty to my spirit and what it's going through at THIS moment. Because THIS moment is all I can account for right now.

Please read my follow-up post on what I DO believe in my heart and what I CAN confirm while I'm on this journey.