I am a very interesting individual. I have been told by my therapist I'm very unique. I'm different. I'll paint a quick picture of what she means by different so that I don't scare you into thinking I'm psychotic-different, which I may never convince you of but I feel responsible to at least handle some information with care since our society likes to suspend little five-year-old girls who bring "Hello, Kitty" bubble guns to school and pretend to shoot. You know what I'ms sayings!
I used to practice piano a lot. My mom made me. I used to get very bored practicing piano, and as a result I unknowingly began dabbling in improvisation and challenging my ear, although I was terrible at it for a long time. I had to use very special mental powers to force myself to play something over and over monotonously without stabbing the piano and deflating it. The upside is, I became very good at sight-reading and became a tad bit virtuosic.
This said-virtuosity permitted me to be considered for music-study at WMU, and eventually permitted some financial scholarships to aid me in those studies. That's in addition to the coveted Medallion Scholarship I somehow managed to win in spite of the 800+ students who came from all over the U.S. to compete for the tuition and expenses paid full-ride. My mom made me miss my last Solo and Ensemble performance to go to that competition. Again, it paid off even though I was disappointed I couldn't get that last "1". You music geeks feel me?
I did very well in school, got great grades, then hit a major depression with some life-stuff that happened, suffered bad grades, kicked my tail out of the slump and went on to have dreams of being an important mixed-race woman who played awesome concert piano and knocked the socks off everyone all the way up to the White House. Then I became impregnated by the hot neighbor boy the last year of college, and then again (we eventually married) at the end of graduate school. Oh yea, I got a decent fellowship for that too. I'm not bragging at all, I'm just telling you what my work ethic and scholarly life was like back in my "hey-days."
Pre-kids, I had great dreams...go to New York, use my beauty and brawn to land some awesome gigs, travel and tour. Have a drink at cool bars and wear flashy shoes. Live in an over-priced apartment, travel with my trio, make headlines using my minority-ism as a podium for endorsing musical activity in young children to keep them out of trouble. Become a philanthropist who inspired young folks to turn to their talents and know they don't have to do stupid stuff or be stupid people to make a living. I thought I'd be a great example.
Post-kids and mid-family-planning-life-ism coupled with the awesome shock of married life made me realize that there is something called TIME. Something called past, present, and future. That life was much more complex than I ever could have realized, and than I ever really cared to uncover. That people are mean, they will abuse you, mistreat you, hurt your feelings, hang you out to dry, then re-engage. And sometimes they don't even know they're doing it or mean to! That God is relative to what you were taught or not taught, and that everyone believes so many insanely different things that trying to not judge people based on their oddities is a head-spinning exercise. People are really weird. I wanna go back to college (whiney voice), college was FUN!!!
So now I have settled into myself more, and my current roles. I still dream (all the time, especially at night-time) and envision majestic events with amazing results. I never let myself stop dreaming because dreaming prevents premature death, unless coupled with stupid habits like overstress and bad health and addictions. And car accidents and plane crashes.
So in honor of being in 2013, here are thirteen tips for moms whose brains are overrun by their responsibilities but still REFUSE to quit dreaming:
1. Nobody cares if your house is messy. At first, it will be a shock. Then they will adapt and be accustomed to the messiness. They will understand messiness is equated with creativeness and they will relax knowing they don't have to be like the cover of "Martha Stewart Living" when you come over either.
2. Tape up the doggone pictures! If your life is so blusteringly full you can't afford or choose not to splurge on picture frames, USE TAPE. Be ghetto/imaginative/unconventional/ghetto. I love true ghetto-ness, which is actually innovation in the making. Be innovatively ghetto, not ignorantly ghetto.
3. Relax. Don't fold the laundry for a few days unless you need socks, then just do the socks. Drink the pop you feel you crave, but not ten of them. Don't return that phone call right away, give everyone a few hours to just chill out. Watch that TV show you don't have time to watch. Put your phone high up on the bookshelf and forget about it for 30 minutes and shut down your laptop while you engage with the kids...practice temperance and self-control with your social media addictions(*Monica*Monica*Monica*Monica).
4. Don't be ashamed if you don't take a shower every day, unless you have terrible yeast or something that is OBVIOUSLY smelly, like your feet. Then just wash your feet, or the smelly parts, but don't get caught up in the shower thing unless that is YOUR THING that you do every day as part of your composure ritual, which leads me to...
5. Have at least one thing that is a ritual, a habit that makes you feel complete. For me, I purpose to do the dishes and clean off the counter/table every day. In addition I may make the bed. Walking into a peaceful-ish kitchen and a bedmade bedroom is a lot less heinous than having all clutter everywhere all the time.
6. Don't drink more than two cups (mugs) of coffee, and don't go to Starbucks/Beaners/Biggbys etc. all the time either. You're paying a whole lot for WAY too much sugar that is poisoning your body. Just get poisoned at home and save your money. In fact, stop drinking so much freaking caffeine period! You don't really need it, you need 8-10 hours of sleep, TONS of life-giving water, exercise, and to get your hormones checked and balanced. Drink green tea most days (again, not more than two cups/mugs) and then get high on WATER!
7. Go to sleep. Even when your brain won't turn off, SHUT IT DOWN. Learn how to not be a prisoner to your mind in your own bed, especially when your husband starts rubbing your body down. I like to do deep breathing, and think how much I love him and our family and how content I am. As a man thinks in his heart, so is HE. (Biblical reference)
8. Figure out your faith. In you are in a state of "faith flux" don't put it on the back burner. Figure that junk out! Analyze, reason, contemplate, do a pros-cons list if you must, but stick with something. And even if your maturity changes and you find you've outgrown any petty thinking you've either been conditioned into thinking or you just reach some kind of enlightenment, always make sure you have something to believe in. It's SO important. DEPRESSION is when (as Mary Colbert says) you love something this world has to offer or someone so much and put so much stock and faith into that thing or that person, and that thing or person has let you down. You have literally sunk from disappointment and hurt. Anyone who says they've never been depressed needs to run an institution to show the rest of us crazies how to be immortal like them.
9. Read a LOT. If you are a dreamer, you are probably a leader-type personality, and as I learned from Dave Martin's "12 Traits of the Greats," leaders are READERS. I am obsessed with information. I always want to know more. If information was what I ate I'd be one of those obese individuals who can't fit out through their doorway to get out of their house.
10. Figure yourself out. Just figure out what the heck you are, what you're doing here, and where you want to be. You have a responsibility to do at least that much.
11. Figure out how much you want other people to be involved in certain stages in your life. There are reasons some people aren't in certain seasons in your life, nor you in theirs. Some things you can't handle all the time. Find out where your boundaries and limits are and be loyal to them. Let everyone say what they will, but this is another of those responsibilities to protect your wellness and your dreams.
12. DO find people who inspire you and stalk them, legally. On facebook, Blogger, Twitter, Instagram, Youtube, wherever. If they are ON those sites and not "private" or have "locked" accounts, they are fair stalking game. Just don't be ignorant about it. Be a tasteful stalker....calm, cool, casual, don't "like" or "RT" every single little thing. Just be smooth.
13. If you have something to say, SAY IT. Everyone has a right to freedom of speech, Everyone also has the right to have a strong opinion about what you say. Remember #8, past conditioning has a LOT to do with your life and figuring out your role and purpose on this Earth. Once you sort through all the "good, bad, and obsolete" gunk that's been overflowing out of the filing cabinets in your head, you can start reorganizing up there. A good therapist is hard to come by, and a therapist who is your friend is an even greater resource for the times you'd rather die than continue dragging your feet through this life-muck. Just know that with great freedom comes great responsibility. Everyone will want your head over every little word you say or implication you imply. Get yourself in a strong place so you can drown out the people police.
Of course, this is just my freedom of opinion. But it's been working for me!
I wish you all the best you can afford to receive and to give.
Monica
I used to practice piano a lot. My mom made me. I used to get very bored practicing piano, and as a result I unknowingly began dabbling in improvisation and challenging my ear, although I was terrible at it for a long time. I had to use very special mental powers to force myself to play something over and over monotonously without stabbing the piano and deflating it. The upside is, I became very good at sight-reading and became a tad bit virtuosic.
This said-virtuosity permitted me to be considered for music-study at WMU, and eventually permitted some financial scholarships to aid me in those studies. That's in addition to the coveted Medallion Scholarship I somehow managed to win in spite of the 800+ students who came from all over the U.S. to compete for the tuition and expenses paid full-ride. My mom made me miss my last Solo and Ensemble performance to go to that competition. Again, it paid off even though I was disappointed I couldn't get that last "1". You music geeks feel me?
I did very well in school, got great grades, then hit a major depression with some life-stuff that happened, suffered bad grades, kicked my tail out of the slump and went on to have dreams of being an important mixed-race woman who played awesome concert piano and knocked the socks off everyone all the way up to the White House. Then I became impregnated by the hot neighbor boy the last year of college, and then again (we eventually married) at the end of graduate school. Oh yea, I got a decent fellowship for that too. I'm not bragging at all, I'm just telling you what my work ethic and scholarly life was like back in my "hey-days."
Pre-kids, I had great dreams...go to New York, use my beauty and brawn to land some awesome gigs, travel and tour. Have a drink at cool bars and wear flashy shoes. Live in an over-priced apartment, travel with my trio, make headlines using my minority-ism as a podium for endorsing musical activity in young children to keep them out of trouble. Become a philanthropist who inspired young folks to turn to their talents and know they don't have to do stupid stuff or be stupid people to make a living. I thought I'd be a great example.
Post-kids and mid-family-planning-life-ism coupled with the awesome shock of married life made me realize that there is something called TIME. Something called past, present, and future. That life was much more complex than I ever could have realized, and than I ever really cared to uncover. That people are mean, they will abuse you, mistreat you, hurt your feelings, hang you out to dry, then re-engage. And sometimes they don't even know they're doing it or mean to! That God is relative to what you were taught or not taught, and that everyone believes so many insanely different things that trying to not judge people based on their oddities is a head-spinning exercise. People are really weird. I wanna go back to college (whiney voice), college was FUN!!!
So now I have settled into myself more, and my current roles. I still dream (all the time, especially at night-time) and envision majestic events with amazing results. I never let myself stop dreaming because dreaming prevents premature death, unless coupled with stupid habits like overstress and bad health and addictions. And car accidents and plane crashes.
So in honor of being in 2013, here are thirteen tips for moms whose brains are overrun by their responsibilities but still REFUSE to quit dreaming:
1. Nobody cares if your house is messy. At first, it will be a shock. Then they will adapt and be accustomed to the messiness. They will understand messiness is equated with creativeness and they will relax knowing they don't have to be like the cover of "Martha Stewart Living" when you come over either.
2. Tape up the doggone pictures! If your life is so blusteringly full you can't afford or choose not to splurge on picture frames, USE TAPE. Be ghetto/imaginative/unconventional/ghetto. I love true ghetto-ness, which is actually innovation in the making. Be innovatively ghetto, not ignorantly ghetto.
3. Relax. Don't fold the laundry for a few days unless you need socks, then just do the socks. Drink the pop you feel you crave, but not ten of them. Don't return that phone call right away, give everyone a few hours to just chill out. Watch that TV show you don't have time to watch. Put your phone high up on the bookshelf and forget about it for 30 minutes and shut down your laptop while you engage with the kids...practice temperance and self-control with your social media addictions(*Monica*Monica*Monica*Monica).
4. Don't be ashamed if you don't take a shower every day, unless you have terrible yeast or something that is OBVIOUSLY smelly, like your feet. Then just wash your feet, or the smelly parts, but don't get caught up in the shower thing unless that is YOUR THING that you do every day as part of your composure ritual, which leads me to...
5. Have at least one thing that is a ritual, a habit that makes you feel complete. For me, I purpose to do the dishes and clean off the counter/table every day. In addition I may make the bed. Walking into a peaceful-ish kitchen and a bedmade bedroom is a lot less heinous than having all clutter everywhere all the time.
6. Don't drink more than two cups (mugs) of coffee, and don't go to Starbucks/Beaners/Biggbys etc. all the time either. You're paying a whole lot for WAY too much sugar that is poisoning your body. Just get poisoned at home and save your money. In fact, stop drinking so much freaking caffeine period! You don't really need it, you need 8-10 hours of sleep, TONS of life-giving water, exercise, and to get your hormones checked and balanced. Drink green tea most days (again, not more than two cups/mugs) and then get high on WATER!
7. Go to sleep. Even when your brain won't turn off, SHUT IT DOWN. Learn how to not be a prisoner to your mind in your own bed, especially when your husband starts rubbing your body down. I like to do deep breathing, and think how much I love him and our family and how content I am. As a man thinks in his heart, so is HE. (Biblical reference)
8. Figure out your faith. In you are in a state of "faith flux" don't put it on the back burner. Figure that junk out! Analyze, reason, contemplate, do a pros-cons list if you must, but stick with something. And even if your maturity changes and you find you've outgrown any petty thinking you've either been conditioned into thinking or you just reach some kind of enlightenment, always make sure you have something to believe in. It's SO important. DEPRESSION is when (as Mary Colbert says) you love something this world has to offer or someone so much and put so much stock and faith into that thing or that person, and that thing or person has let you down. You have literally sunk from disappointment and hurt. Anyone who says they've never been depressed needs to run an institution to show the rest of us crazies how to be immortal like them.
9. Read a LOT. If you are a dreamer, you are probably a leader-type personality, and as I learned from Dave Martin's "12 Traits of the Greats," leaders are READERS. I am obsessed with information. I always want to know more. If information was what I ate I'd be one of those obese individuals who can't fit out through their doorway to get out of their house.
10. Figure yourself out. Just figure out what the heck you are, what you're doing here, and where you want to be. You have a responsibility to do at least that much.
11. Figure out how much you want other people to be involved in certain stages in your life. There are reasons some people aren't in certain seasons in your life, nor you in theirs. Some things you can't handle all the time. Find out where your boundaries and limits are and be loyal to them. Let everyone say what they will, but this is another of those responsibilities to protect your wellness and your dreams.
12. DO find people who inspire you and stalk them, legally. On facebook, Blogger, Twitter, Instagram, Youtube, wherever. If they are ON those sites and not "private" or have "locked" accounts, they are fair stalking game. Just don't be ignorant about it. Be a tasteful stalker....calm, cool, casual, don't "like" or "RT" every single little thing. Just be smooth.
13. If you have something to say, SAY IT. Everyone has a right to freedom of speech, Everyone also has the right to have a strong opinion about what you say. Remember #8, past conditioning has a LOT to do with your life and figuring out your role and purpose on this Earth. Once you sort through all the "good, bad, and obsolete" gunk that's been overflowing out of the filing cabinets in your head, you can start reorganizing up there. A good therapist is hard to come by, and a therapist who is your friend is an even greater resource for the times you'd rather die than continue dragging your feet through this life-muck. Just know that with great freedom comes great responsibility. Everyone will want your head over every little word you say or implication you imply. Get yourself in a strong place so you can drown out the people police.
Of course, this is just my freedom of opinion. But it's been working for me!
I wish you all the best you can afford to receive and to give.
Monica
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