Oh my gosh. This post is going to be in rant style.
I'm cradling my baby in my lap. He is now 9.5 weeks old. And I may get 20-30 minutes of "free time" when he decides to take a long nap. A long nap is any napping done outside of my arms. He insists on my arms. Or my nipple. Either of those keeps him happy. If I remove him from either of those things in any way, he screams like a tiny pterodactyl. If I worked outside of the home I would want to shoot my foot off. It's impossible for me to listen to his tiny shrieks without scooping him up to calm him. I have let him fuss for a few minutes to grab a quick shower, brush my teeth, and tend to grooming aka makeup and hair for maybe 10 minutes. He is a stubborn little fellow...he knows what he wants. I think the rest of the world calls it "spoiled." I don't believe in spoiling especially at this age, but it sure is something.
I'm sure people wonder how I manage to take even mediocre care of my housework and kids with the amount of postages I contribute to social media.Well, if you must know, and I'm sure you want to, holding a baby all day really doesn't require you to have your thumbs actively engaged. And you can do a lot of things with thumbs while holding a baby, like post things all day and make people think you're a lazy, lazy housewife. Get it right people, I'm very productive on my sites when I'm holding baby. I may even try to read a book or two, at the same time. It's necessary for my personality-type to be active. Otherwise I feel like I will be engulfed in fights over pool floaties and who tossed who's shoes in the swimming pool and who hid who's food under their booster seat to get out of eating healthily at dinner. I can avoid faces staring at me begging me to entertain them.
One thing I can't avoid, however, is time. Time seems to be just a'blazin' ahead. The days seem long and the nights too short. My partner and I work together as much as we can, and we are worn out by the end of the day. We try to catch our breath during a hard, full, night's sleep and thankfully, baby has allowed us to sleep at least six hours straight without sending out "come get me NOW" signals. That is a blessing right there. I have finally experienced sleep deprivation (although not for a a seriously extended amount of time) to where I felt like I needed a Xanax to prevent anxiety and a pillow to scream into attached to me multiple times a day. I have found that even when I'm tired, I can find joy in the day, even if it's in smelling an awesome cup of cafe brewing from the easy-to-maneuver Keurig. Thanks Shawn, that was the best Xmas gift. Ever.
I also am somewhat flustered that time seems to be passing me by, although I'm providing a fabulous service that me and my family will always reap forever, but passing nonetheless, and I still have these passions burning a hole right through my chest. I can literally feel angst ripping at my throat, trying to claw it's creative woes right out of my mouth and tattoo itself all over my body, as a reminder that I'm attached to it forever. I'll never forget, trust me. I just have to trust that every event in life has it's purpose and happens at the point in time that it is supposed to. I have to trust in the ultimate plan that will continue to unfold even as time blazes by. Right now I can barely catch my breath, and although I wonder if it will always be this way, I know it won't be. I know I'm flung amidst the flow of childcare, nurturing, and encouraging and solidifying my character at this time. When people tell me, "Don't forget about your music; you should be performing," I tell them that Mothering has called me to prevalence at this time, and I honor it's calling. I humbly accept the necessity.
Why don't we realize, that amidst our purposes, investing in other humans is an honorable calling indeed? Even if it's only for a measurable amount of time, putting time and energy into watching a being who means the world to you grow is invaluable. That time can never be replaced. Whenever I get into an mentally unbalanced frenzy, passion-wise, I tell myself to stop wishing this time away or wishing it to go more quickly. Wish instead to enjoy these messy, chaotic days of imperfection, of smelliness, of needing to take two deep breaths before replying. I am training myself to love more deeply, forgive more readily, set better boundaries and enforce my "no"'s, and I'm feeling the goodness of seeing little beings who just two or three years ago were no taller than my knee develop long and lean limbs, and reach towards the sky. I hear vocabulary that makes me laugh, even as I have to correct it for not being child-like and appropriate or necessarily respectful. I listen to the blessings of my children's hearts. Even though my mind runs around in its own frenzy, I do manage to pull away from it's drama and ignore it and sometimes just quietly observe the things of life...dogs frolicking with not a care in the world, enjoying one anothers companionship and sometimes the occasional shameless play for my affection; kids in a nice playing groove, NOT fighting; a small sleeping being in my lap or at my breast, freeing my thumbs to connect with other beings I value and enjoy, and the relief I feel when my partner walks through the door and my continued efforts to be less grumpy and sulky and to welcome him home to a happy and thriving environment.
What I must not overlook during this flourishing time, is that they and I are BOTH growing...day by day. And it takes one at a time, it really does. One day I will be blessed in overabundance by the growth that has culminated and is released into my path from these blessed beings I am caretaker of. My house is lived in, and I find value in that. I have already decided to get one room with whitish carpet when I have grandkids, and keep the vinegar and baking soda nearby and remember as I get down and clean the spills and scuffs that I am so blessed to have a second generation come as a by-product of my womb and fill my life with their love. Lord, I am insane to be thinking about grandchildren two years shy of only 30 years young. I am already anticipating insane blessings in that department.
So other mothers, who are dedicating their time to their beloved beings, let's not forget...this season may be frenzied for far too long, but we must trust that this season is at this time for a reason. Legacies take time to be established. It's natural and normal to procreate and have your family be a constant important part of your life, it's simply carrying on the longevity of the human race. We will be greater still because of it.
This little has finally fallen asleep, at both of his favorite places. So I will soon follow suit. Another big day tomorrow, and this warrior needs her rest.
With faith in the future,
Monica
I'm cradling my baby in my lap. He is now 9.5 weeks old. And I may get 20-30 minutes of "free time" when he decides to take a long nap. A long nap is any napping done outside of my arms. He insists on my arms. Or my nipple. Either of those keeps him happy. If I remove him from either of those things in any way, he screams like a tiny pterodactyl. If I worked outside of the home I would want to shoot my foot off. It's impossible for me to listen to his tiny shrieks without scooping him up to calm him. I have let him fuss for a few minutes to grab a quick shower, brush my teeth, and tend to grooming aka makeup and hair for maybe 10 minutes. He is a stubborn little fellow...he knows what he wants. I think the rest of the world calls it "spoiled." I don't believe in spoiling especially at this age, but it sure is something.
I'm sure people wonder how I manage to take even mediocre care of my housework and kids with the amount of postages I contribute to social media.Well, if you must know, and I'm sure you want to, holding a baby all day really doesn't require you to have your thumbs actively engaged. And you can do a lot of things with thumbs while holding a baby, like post things all day and make people think you're a lazy, lazy housewife. Get it right people, I'm very productive on my sites when I'm holding baby. I may even try to read a book or two, at the same time. It's necessary for my personality-type to be active. Otherwise I feel like I will be engulfed in fights over pool floaties and who tossed who's shoes in the swimming pool and who hid who's food under their booster seat to get out of eating healthily at dinner. I can avoid faces staring at me begging me to entertain them.
One thing I can't avoid, however, is time. Time seems to be just a'blazin' ahead. The days seem long and the nights too short. My partner and I work together as much as we can, and we are worn out by the end of the day. We try to catch our breath during a hard, full, night's sleep and thankfully, baby has allowed us to sleep at least six hours straight without sending out "come get me NOW" signals. That is a blessing right there. I have finally experienced sleep deprivation (although not for a a seriously extended amount of time) to where I felt like I needed a Xanax to prevent anxiety and a pillow to scream into attached to me multiple times a day. I have found that even when I'm tired, I can find joy in the day, even if it's in smelling an awesome cup of cafe brewing from the easy-to-maneuver Keurig. Thanks Shawn, that was the best Xmas gift. Ever.
I also am somewhat flustered that time seems to be passing me by, although I'm providing a fabulous service that me and my family will always reap forever, but passing nonetheless, and I still have these passions burning a hole right through my chest. I can literally feel angst ripping at my throat, trying to claw it's creative woes right out of my mouth and tattoo itself all over my body, as a reminder that I'm attached to it forever. I'll never forget, trust me. I just have to trust that every event in life has it's purpose and happens at the point in time that it is supposed to. I have to trust in the ultimate plan that will continue to unfold even as time blazes by. Right now I can barely catch my breath, and although I wonder if it will always be this way, I know it won't be. I know I'm flung amidst the flow of childcare, nurturing, and encouraging and solidifying my character at this time. When people tell me, "Don't forget about your music; you should be performing," I tell them that Mothering has called me to prevalence at this time, and I honor it's calling. I humbly accept the necessity.
Why don't we realize, that amidst our purposes, investing in other humans is an honorable calling indeed? Even if it's only for a measurable amount of time, putting time and energy into watching a being who means the world to you grow is invaluable. That time can never be replaced. Whenever I get into an mentally unbalanced frenzy, passion-wise, I tell myself to stop wishing this time away or wishing it to go more quickly. Wish instead to enjoy these messy, chaotic days of imperfection, of smelliness, of needing to take two deep breaths before replying. I am training myself to love more deeply, forgive more readily, set better boundaries and enforce my "no"'s, and I'm feeling the goodness of seeing little beings who just two or three years ago were no taller than my knee develop long and lean limbs, and reach towards the sky. I hear vocabulary that makes me laugh, even as I have to correct it for not being child-like and appropriate or necessarily respectful. I listen to the blessings of my children's hearts. Even though my mind runs around in its own frenzy, I do manage to pull away from it's drama and ignore it and sometimes just quietly observe the things of life...dogs frolicking with not a care in the world, enjoying one anothers companionship and sometimes the occasional shameless play for my affection; kids in a nice playing groove, NOT fighting; a small sleeping being in my lap or at my breast, freeing my thumbs to connect with other beings I value and enjoy, and the relief I feel when my partner walks through the door and my continued efforts to be less grumpy and sulky and to welcome him home to a happy and thriving environment.
What I must not overlook during this flourishing time, is that they and I are BOTH growing...day by day. And it takes one at a time, it really does. One day I will be blessed in overabundance by the growth that has culminated and is released into my path from these blessed beings I am caretaker of. My house is lived in, and I find value in that. I have already decided to get one room with whitish carpet when I have grandkids, and keep the vinegar and baking soda nearby and remember as I get down and clean the spills and scuffs that I am so blessed to have a second generation come as a by-product of my womb and fill my life with their love. Lord, I am insane to be thinking about grandchildren two years shy of only 30 years young. I am already anticipating insane blessings in that department.
So other mothers, who are dedicating their time to their beloved beings, let's not forget...this season may be frenzied for far too long, but we must trust that this season is at this time for a reason. Legacies take time to be established. It's natural and normal to procreate and have your family be a constant important part of your life, it's simply carrying on the longevity of the human race. We will be greater still because of it.
This little has finally fallen asleep, at both of his favorite places. So I will soon follow suit. Another big day tomorrow, and this warrior needs her rest.
With faith in the future,
Monica
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