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Devotion Tonight: Praying in Your Marriage


This topic has been heavy on my heart for a while. For me, praying in my marriage, at least aloud, is a little uncomfortable. My upbringing had a lot of prayer in it. I prayed at morning and night per my mom's insistence ("Thank Someone for waking you up this morning!") and along with my daily devotionals and Sunday personal Bible study/Scripture memorization sessions. My mom was very strict about making sure I knew my stuff...or God's stuff, even though we never did it together or had family devotion. I did a lot of self-study, and my mom would make sure I knew my memory verse for each week. I dreaded Sunday mornings b/c the studies were so BORING. But I did learn a lot of Scripture, and I would say I 'studied to show myself approved' 1 Timothy something.

We would pray as a family before road trips, and before family meals, especially on holidays. I don't know if my parents ever prayed together, but in my marriage it's an uneasy area for me. Sure, sometimes I feel the urge to suggest that we should read a devotional together or 'pray together or something', but I'd rather just pray by myself because I feel we would each be more comfortable that way. I see powerhouse couples at conferences or as co-pastors of churches, and I admire and envy their ability to be totally open with their prayer life, supporting another as they pray in public. My husband and I had a hard time lighting the Advent candle together at church, with me being frustrated for him for not rehearsing the readings with me beforehand, and then me being frustrated with myself for being so startled at how our voices sounded reading in unison that I almost burst into laughter in front of the entire church.

But I do want to be able to feel comfortable praying in my marriage. I feel led sometimes to pray for my husband, and for myself as  a wife to fulfill my duty to Him as outlined in Scripture. But it's really tough. I have certain set ideas that have been fossilized in my brain about how a Christian marriage should play out...having a husband who is a strong leader and seeks the Lord, a woman who supports him and strives to serve her family just as Christ came and served us, children who are well-behaved and seek the Lord through the guidance of their parents. I have set ideas about roles, who should do/say/pray/ what/when/how. But this is not that kind of marriage. My husband is in a different area of growth than I am, having not been raised religiously at all. We both go back and forth, up and down with our issues of faith, Biblical accuracy, need for scientific facts, and how to apply Christian principles to a 21st century world of chaos, sex, money, and all kinds of egotistic values. 

But I truly feel that I should be praying...for my husband, for myself to be patient and know that nothing is too hard for the Lord, including giving us the insight to be faithful in spite of lack. For me to know that it is not my job to "catch up" my husband on all the religion I feel that he missed out on, or for me to dictate his level of leadership or spirituality. I am only responsible for myself and the guidance I give to my children, since they are under my care. I need to pray for understanding, for humility, and a serving heart when what I really want to do is tell someone off. So hard.

That's why I bought a book at a yard sale this past summer on a whim. I felt a surge of hope that it would help give me direction in how to build my marriage on solid and firm principles. It was stashed in someone's 10-cent box, along with Jane Eyre which I also grabbed so I could appear literate, intelligent, and smart having it peek out of my bookcase (I do intend to read it sometime). The name of the book is "Starting Out Together: A Devotional for Dating or Engaged Couples," by H. Norman Wright. Obviously I'm not dating or engaged but flipping through the contents convinced me that it was not too late for me and my husband to get some more schooling.  Ironically, the chapter I happened to read tonight was called "How to Pray in Marriage" quoting Romans 8:26. The point is that even though you may not know what to pray, or how to pray, the Holy Spirit comes to your aide and gently gives you ideas of things to pray about, and intercedes for you when you just don't have the discernment to pray effectively for what your marriage needs. That was very comforting to me. Sometimes I lay down and say, "God I need to pray for my husband. I don't know what to say" and my heart aches, but I feel that God is understanding my feelings even though I may not be able to voice them. Praying with my heart is what I am doing until I have the words and the courage to say them out loud...and perhaps alongside my partner.


Love, Monica
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