Ch. 11
Hello my friends! Today I want to share with you a few tidbits I learned recently from a Family Fun workshop through the "Press Pause" women's conference at Valley Family Church. The topics are family and surprisingly, money. What does money have to do with family, you ask? Quite a bit! One of the biggest causes of divorce is financial strain. We've all seen single parents where the mom has three to five kids, works about two jobs, is tired, broke, and short after not receiving child support on time from the dad (or at all), and can't afford to buy her kids everything she wishes to, or else spends all her money trying to compensate for the shortcomings and still ends up with no money for savings or retirement.
I went to the workshop seeking more ideas to help my family run smoothly, to help me find ideas for activities for all of us to do that would hopefully not cost a lot of money. I am very cheap. I do not like to spend money very often, and when I do I tend to go a little overboard to compensate for being so frugal the past few months. Well thankfully for me, the main point of the workshop was that it's the time you invest in a child that is most important. Also, family time is NOT about entertaining the kids. I find myself trying to do that a lot, and to have activities planned and set up for the kids throughout the day. I end up burning myself out before I even get out of bed!
Family fun is about getting the kids to participate relationally. One woman shared that her family always ate dinner together, and it took them at least an hour to get through it with all the stories and silliness passed around! Dinner at my house was quiet, with my dad sitting in the living room with his plate, paper next to him, and watching the news. My mom took her plate in her room to lay across her bed and watch TV, and I sat at the table. I used to wish I had a TV in my room so I could watch TV and eat my dinner like my mom did. I thought that was a privilege. My family, including my husband's mom and sisters, all eat dinner together most nights. We cook together, eat together, and clean up together.I have to say I rather enjoy it.The girls often end up chatting about something learned at school, and we all end up teaching Kristian what is and is not appropriate to say and do at the table(like spitting his juice back into his cup and re-drinking it). Seriously, kids!
In the workshop, one of the leading ladies said that giving kids things as a way to show love doesn't always work and can backfire. For instance, it will create a selfish person who can only be made happy by those things. I'll never forget my mom telling me about an episode on court TV, where a teenager was suing his mom because she refused to buy him designer clothing anymore, down to his designer underwear. But even when celebrities get divorced, they demand alimony in the amount that will continue to support their lifestyle, the way they are used to living. Shaking my head right now. And rolling my eyes. Try some spontaneity to get the kids excited! Do a family coloring project, play with Play-doh! Send them outside, and you go too! My husband just bought one of those catching sets with the velco mitts. More importantly, make sure YOU'RE filled (as in you the parent). Heb. 12: 1 says to "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that entangles" and "run with perseverance the race marked out for us." The things that hinder and entangle are: the INTERNET (Facebook, Twitter, aimless browsing, distraction online), DEBT (causes stress and stresses children through a trickle-down effect), WORRYING (Matt. 6:29-34), -AHOLISM'S (work-aholism, shop-aholism, alc-oholism, cheat-aholism) which cause you to disconnect yourself emotionally and physically from your children. Obviously some -aholism's are more tragic than others, but be careful to avoid all of these things, as your most precious resources with your family are your time, your attention, and your finances.
Speaking of finances, I won a book that day entitled "The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey, a Christian radio show host and author of many books and programs to help people overcome debt and worry about money. He says in his introduction that he felt a calling to expose the truth about debt to others and to be a leader and show them a way to be good financial stewards. This was something that spoke to me, as I have so many goals and aspirations for myself and my family. I want to travel without worrying about money, retire without worrying about money, give without worrying about money, buy without worrying about money, pay for emergencies without worrying about money. This book has given me such hope that everyone can be free from debt if they change their attitude towards debt. Ramsey exposes a long-told myth that I had actually come to believe, part of why I purchased a new (to me) car recently. The myth is that debt builds wealth, that you must get into debt to build credit, that you must have a good credit score and history to show that you are a reliable and responsible person, and that any big purchases are bought with debt and paid off because it would take waaaay too long to save that much money. Okay, those are myths (plural) with a capital "M". By changing everything I believed to be true about debt because of what society has taught me, I came to see how foolish some of the things I have done financially have been. Please, please please I beg you, CUT UP THE CARDS. PAY OFF THE CARDS. NEVER TAKE THEM OUT AGAIN. You can do it. Cutting dependency on debt would make our nation so much more prosperous. You do NOT have to get into debt to get ahead. It holds the potential to hold a cloud over your life and affect your mood and relationships. Do you know people who are always broke? It's a mindset. They run and blow off every paycheck before even thinking about where their money should go. They end up wondering where the heck it went. It is no fun to be sitting at the end of the money with more month left. Of course it will require sacrifice and hard work. But Ramsey's mantra is :" Learn to live like no one else so you can live like no one else." When all the hard work starts earning interest and accumulates on it's own, you can buy the things you want without having to worry about impressing others with money you don't have. Others will be impressed by your wisdom and diligence. Praise God I paid off the last of my credit card debt this month! Hallelujah! I don't owe them anymore, this borrower is no longer servant to her lenders. However, I do car payments still, and have made the decision to sell my car to pay off the loan so I can truly begin building wealth by starting with my emergency fund. I believe God has been truly working on this area of my life and over time I have gotten on board! It truly all started when I began faithfully tithing. This means I give 10% of my income back to the church. This year I have instead put the tithing money into a savings account so it can earn a little interest while I wait for direction from God of where to send it. By putting away 10% with every check, I see how quickly it adds up! I also put 10% into our joint savings account. This goes to build our emergency fund for right now. I came to Ramsey's book already having these baby steps in place, which go way back to when I was living at home and my parents taught me to save and tithe. Sit down with your budget today and clearly map out how much will be coming in (cash flow) and assign it to go to certain bills and spaces in your budget before you get the money. And assign it all. This way there's no temptation to keep an extra $50 lying around that could be paying off your debt instead of buying you drinks Friday night. Work hard now. Play hard later.
I am not telling you this financial spiel to get you to convert to Ramsey-ism. I am telling you because I believe by being good financial stewards it will create such peace and security in your lives that it will make your family life that much better! Knowing that you are taking steps to be such a steward will help everyone work together and become closer. And you won't have to always say, "No we can't afford it." You can say, "Not yet, baby, but soon." Then reward yourself (using cash) after accomplishing a seemingly impossible financial task! Don't fall into the trap the banks and lenders and the enemy have set up to brainwash you into believing you need debt to live. You need to be OUT of debt so you can truly live. Praise God for enlightenment! And thanks Dave Ramsey!
Today, get down on your kids' level and do something free and fun. Put away the cell phone, close the laptop, and be silly! Bake something together and don't freak about cleaning. My son and I made smoothies last week, yes he flung pulsed fruit across the kitchen by accident, yes I bit my tongue, smiled, and just cleaned it up afterwards! This is time, man! Precious time I can't get back. Praise God for enlightenment! And for the gifts of my babies. And thank YOU for reading this. Praise God for YOU.
Luv, Monica
Hello my friends! Today I want to share with you a few tidbits I learned recently from a Family Fun workshop through the "Press Pause" women's conference at Valley Family Church. The topics are family and surprisingly, money. What does money have to do with family, you ask? Quite a bit! One of the biggest causes of divorce is financial strain. We've all seen single parents where the mom has three to five kids, works about two jobs, is tired, broke, and short after not receiving child support on time from the dad (or at all), and can't afford to buy her kids everything she wishes to, or else spends all her money trying to compensate for the shortcomings and still ends up with no money for savings or retirement.
I went to the workshop seeking more ideas to help my family run smoothly, to help me find ideas for activities for all of us to do that would hopefully not cost a lot of money. I am very cheap. I do not like to spend money very often, and when I do I tend to go a little overboard to compensate for being so frugal the past few months. Well thankfully for me, the main point of the workshop was that it's the time you invest in a child that is most important. Also, family time is NOT about entertaining the kids. I find myself trying to do that a lot, and to have activities planned and set up for the kids throughout the day. I end up burning myself out before I even get out of bed!
Family fun is about getting the kids to participate relationally. One woman shared that her family always ate dinner together, and it took them at least an hour to get through it with all the stories and silliness passed around! Dinner at my house was quiet, with my dad sitting in the living room with his plate, paper next to him, and watching the news. My mom took her plate in her room to lay across her bed and watch TV, and I sat at the table. I used to wish I had a TV in my room so I could watch TV and eat my dinner like my mom did. I thought that was a privilege. My family, including my husband's mom and sisters, all eat dinner together most nights. We cook together, eat together, and clean up together.I have to say I rather enjoy it.The girls often end up chatting about something learned at school, and we all end up teaching Kristian what is and is not appropriate to say and do at the table(like spitting his juice back into his cup and re-drinking it). Seriously, kids!
In the workshop, one of the leading ladies said that giving kids things as a way to show love doesn't always work and can backfire. For instance, it will create a selfish person who can only be made happy by those things. I'll never forget my mom telling me about an episode on court TV, where a teenager was suing his mom because she refused to buy him designer clothing anymore, down to his designer underwear. But even when celebrities get divorced, they demand alimony in the amount that will continue to support their lifestyle, the way they are used to living. Shaking my head right now. And rolling my eyes. Try some spontaneity to get the kids excited! Do a family coloring project, play with Play-doh! Send them outside, and you go too! My husband just bought one of those catching sets with the velco mitts. More importantly, make sure YOU'RE filled (as in you the parent). Heb. 12: 1 says to "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that entangles" and "run with perseverance the race marked out for us." The things that hinder and entangle are: the INTERNET (Facebook, Twitter, aimless browsing, distraction online), DEBT (causes stress and stresses children through a trickle-down effect), WORRYING (Matt. 6:29-34), -AHOLISM'S (work-aholism, shop-aholism, alc-oholism, cheat-aholism) which cause you to disconnect yourself emotionally and physically from your children. Obviously some -aholism's are more tragic than others, but be careful to avoid all of these things, as your most precious resources with your family are your time, your attention, and your finances.
Speaking of finances, I won a book that day entitled "The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey, a Christian radio show host and author of many books and programs to help people overcome debt and worry about money. He says in his introduction that he felt a calling to expose the truth about debt to others and to be a leader and show them a way to be good financial stewards. This was something that spoke to me, as I have so many goals and aspirations for myself and my family. I want to travel without worrying about money, retire without worrying about money, give without worrying about money, buy without worrying about money, pay for emergencies without worrying about money. This book has given me such hope that everyone can be free from debt if they change their attitude towards debt. Ramsey exposes a long-told myth that I had actually come to believe, part of why I purchased a new (to me) car recently. The myth is that debt builds wealth, that you must get into debt to build credit, that you must have a good credit score and history to show that you are a reliable and responsible person, and that any big purchases are bought with debt and paid off because it would take waaaay too long to save that much money. Okay, those are myths (plural) with a capital "M". By changing everything I believed to be true about debt because of what society has taught me, I came to see how foolish some of the things I have done financially have been. Please, please please I beg you, CUT UP THE CARDS. PAY OFF THE CARDS. NEVER TAKE THEM OUT AGAIN. You can do it. Cutting dependency on debt would make our nation so much more prosperous. You do NOT have to get into debt to get ahead. It holds the potential to hold a cloud over your life and affect your mood and relationships. Do you know people who are always broke? It's a mindset. They run and blow off every paycheck before even thinking about where their money should go. They end up wondering where the heck it went. It is no fun to be sitting at the end of the money with more month left. Of course it will require sacrifice and hard work. But Ramsey's mantra is :" Learn to live like no one else so you can live like no one else." When all the hard work starts earning interest and accumulates on it's own, you can buy the things you want without having to worry about impressing others with money you don't have. Others will be impressed by your wisdom and diligence. Praise God I paid off the last of my credit card debt this month! Hallelujah! I don't owe them anymore, this borrower is no longer servant to her lenders. However, I do car payments still, and have made the decision to sell my car to pay off the loan so I can truly begin building wealth by starting with my emergency fund. I believe God has been truly working on this area of my life and over time I have gotten on board! It truly all started when I began faithfully tithing. This means I give 10% of my income back to the church. This year I have instead put the tithing money into a savings account so it can earn a little interest while I wait for direction from God of where to send it. By putting away 10% with every check, I see how quickly it adds up! I also put 10% into our joint savings account. This goes to build our emergency fund for right now. I came to Ramsey's book already having these baby steps in place, which go way back to when I was living at home and my parents taught me to save and tithe. Sit down with your budget today and clearly map out how much will be coming in (cash flow) and assign it to go to certain bills and spaces in your budget before you get the money. And assign it all. This way there's no temptation to keep an extra $50 lying around that could be paying off your debt instead of buying you drinks Friday night. Work hard now. Play hard later.
I am not telling you this financial spiel to get you to convert to Ramsey-ism. I am telling you because I believe by being good financial stewards it will create such peace and security in your lives that it will make your family life that much better! Knowing that you are taking steps to be such a steward will help everyone work together and become closer. And you won't have to always say, "No we can't afford it." You can say, "Not yet, baby, but soon." Then reward yourself (using cash) after accomplishing a seemingly impossible financial task! Don't fall into the trap the banks and lenders and the enemy have set up to brainwash you into believing you need debt to live. You need to be OUT of debt so you can truly live. Praise God for enlightenment! And thanks Dave Ramsey!
Today, get down on your kids' level and do something free and fun. Put away the cell phone, close the laptop, and be silly! Bake something together and don't freak about cleaning. My son and I made smoothies last week, yes he flung pulsed fruit across the kitchen by accident, yes I bit my tongue, smiled, and just cleaned it up afterwards! This is time, man! Precious time I can't get back. Praise God for enlightenment! And for the gifts of my babies. And thank YOU for reading this. Praise God for YOU.
Luv, Monica
I love Dave Ramsey! I was studying his stuff for a few months. Really effective!
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